......confession of a bad mommy.

**Disclaimer....I tried not to make myself sound as pathetic as I probably did at the time this actually took place....but yesterday when I told my son that HIS Flat Daddy had come...he said "Don't you mean YOUR Flad Daddy?" and so here comes the....um story/confession.....

{Oh and could you please read quietly to yourselves, this is a quiet confession} so back in the middle of the summer I ordered a flat daddy for my son........I had showed it to him online and after a discussion he agreed that it would be cool to have. (I guess I felt I needed justification to order it and pay for it and he was it).

Well it took a little less then two months to come in and I had forgotten I'd ordered it....the email I used when placing the order, I don't check all that often, so when it arrived last week I was a little surprised......(I still need to get the cardboard to glue it to so that it can be finished)

Okay so now here is the confession part .....although my son thought it was cool when I showed it to him, and he made jokes about how he could throw a football to him (the flat daddy) and then make fun of how bad he catches........or he could sit with him and watch football this season without the same old arguing over the games this year......but in reality, I think I was so convincing on the side of "lets do it" because (I wanted it?) it would actually make me feel, closer to my husband somehow too, possibly?

All the reasons I gave him....could also apply to me....and somewhere in my brain, I was rationalizing spending 60.00 on something that may or may not help me feel less cut off from him......I know I'm bizarre, go out and get my head examined bizarre.....at least that was what was going through my head, thus why I needed the 9 yr old as my cover (bad bad mommy practice).

But I guess I never really considered how this "idea" can help you in the absence of the one person you want to be with so badly.....someone obviously put alot of thought behind it, because it is a very popular thing.

I also never thought about how I'd change my point of view about it later on when I had mixed feelings over others I'd seen with them before. But of course my experiences with this had been in a public arena, at a child's sports event, or the Commissary......or riding around in the front seat of a van with the seat belt on....... and although I thought it kind of endearing, the words Psychiatrist and white padded cell entered my mind briefly........ right before I saw how happy the kids were to have it there, and in the background a smiling mother.

And yet here I am, the one in possession with a life-size poster of the upper part of my husband. Now it's a cool photo......no posed smile for the camera so my wife can make a poster out of me, photo.....No, I used one of him in ACU's with him wearing his holster with his M9 strapped in.... it just now appears as if he is hunting down insurgents Al Qaeda in the dining room of our home.......so not a real great poster to drag around with us.....for excitement I can take him to the bank with us and we can all spend some quality time in JAIL......

So Flat Daddy "stand in" will have to spend his time close to home for everyone's safety, I mean I gotta confess here, that I was not really thinking that choice through!

But he's got this great smile on his face and no kevlar.... and he looks happy....and I asked him about the day it was taken and he said he had just awarded a soldier his first combat patch.....so I know he was very proud of the young man......which makes me happy that they captured that on film.....even if he's packing a handgun.

I guess if I get creative enough, He and I can hang out on the weekends, put on some hawaiian leis have happy hour together. I will do some scrap book pages of the time the kids and I spend with his "stand in" and make it a memorable reflection of a time that we missed him so much, we had a flat version done so he could be in the pictures......and not feel so left out of that time......

You know people who are not affiliated with the military must really think some funny/strange things of what we do......I guess you do what you have to.......even if the tear and sadness are mixed with bizarre/strange behavior and laughs......you can't stop laughing.

All and all I think the flat daddy it is a really cool thing. I know the daddy dolls are great for the little ones....and I have read stories of where the flat daddy had helped the spouses too.....who knows...maybe with him coming home soon....and then going back.....it will help.......But if "he" gets in my way or on my nerves {insert eyeroll here}.........I will pack his flat butt up and mail him to Iraq to do his tour of duty.......if only to give my husband someone to throw darts at....

Oh and for children of deployed soldiers....the flat daddies are free, you only pay the shipping and handling on them, but they take much longer to get......it's almost worth it to pay the 49.50 then to wait the 4 months. Mine came in about 6 weeks......