Hard decisions.....

So I have made a super hard decision. I have decided to have a pretty significant surgical procedure done while my husband is deployed......yeah I know what was I thinking?

I'm not dying or anything like that......and I'm not having a baby...lol, but I have decided to go under the knife.....it would be one thing if it were a plastic procedure but, nope, not that either.....this is something I actually have to have done, much to my chagrin. If I don't have it done, I run the risk of having long term affects that I do not want to face later on in life and so off to the hospital I go.....in 5 days. Yeah, I know, WHAT WAS I THINKING........okay so here is what I was thinking.....

If I have this done....recovery at a minimum is MONTHS......so I figured I will be somewhat healed by the time my husband returns....I won't have him to nurse me back to health but I feel fortunate to have my deployment wife to do that for me.......my sister is going to come help too (only way I can get her here....drastic measures for a visit, I know :D) I was thinking I have let this War force me to prolong this surgery for too many years and thus my condition is much worse now then it was years ago and had I had it fixed then, maybe it would not be as bad now.......and now there is the chance if I wait any longer it may make me no longer able to have it at all..... .....and so hi ho, hi ho it's to the hospital I go.....did I mention that I go in 5 days? UGH.......so I am not sure how my kids are going to deal with this.....they are pretty freaked about it too....

My oldest is.....well the mother hen.....the "don't worry mom, we will be fine, you go get this done and everything will be fine", but I can hear the uncertainty in her words and see it in her eyes......her sister, my middle child, she refuses to acknowledge the fact that I am going to be gone and so she just avoids the topic and my youngest, Dennis......he just kind of looks at me and asks....."Mom, can I come and stay with you?" To that I have to tell him that I would not be much fun and he would be happier at home, but he can come and visit me if he wants......

I know this is hard for them, each is trying in their own way to come to terms with the fact that I am going to be gone for a while.....hell I'm trying to come to terms with it......I have been as honest with each of them as I can about what I am having done and the risks involved......the older two know more then my son.....they can understand it......so I know it plays harder on them, on me.......but we all know that God will wrap his arms around us as we undertake this hurdle we must jump and He will continue to be with us as we continue to work through the recovery period......

My husband on the other hand, I know is very concerned......he is 7000 miles away and to know what I am going through all by myself......well it has to be very hard on him. Unless there is a complication he will continue to Soldier on and since I trust my surgeon 150%, there will be no reason for my husband to even think about coming home. I can and will do this alone, his soldiers need him there more then I do.......there are just some things I can and will do alone........and this will be one of them God Willing........

I know that after my surgery my posts may be either frequent or very infrequent, depending.......they may be upbeat or filled with pain and the struggles as I work toward recovery.....I can not predict anything at this point.....I can pray that God helps me find the courage to endure what I must and that I am able to recover fully and quickly and that my family is able to deal with my ravings as I do.........

So please if you could, please keep This Soldier's Wife and her family in your prayers over the next week or so, it will be a very trying time for us.......