1/4/08

Hard decisions.....

So I have made a super hard decision. I have decided to have a pretty significant surgical procedure done while my husband is deployed......yeah I know what was I thinking?

I'm not dying or anything like that......and I'm not having a baby...lol, but I have decided to go under the knife.....it would be one thing if it were a plastic procedure but, nope, not that either.....this is something I actually have to have done, much to my chagrin. If I don't have it done, I run the risk of having long term affects that I do not want to face later on in life and so off to the hospital I go.....in 5 days. Yeah, I know, WHAT WAS I THINKING........okay so here is what I was thinking.....

If I have this done....recovery at a minimum is MONTHS......so I figured I will be somewhat healed by the time my husband returns....I won't have him to nurse me back to health but I feel fortunate to have my deployment wife to do that for me.......my sister is going to come help too (only way I can get her here....drastic measures for a visit, I know :D) I was thinking I have let this War force me to prolong this surgery for too many years and thus my condition is much worse now then it was years ago and had I had it fixed then, maybe it would not be as bad now.......and now there is the chance if I wait any longer it may make me no longer able to have it at all..... .....and so hi ho, hi ho it's to the hospital I go.....did I mention that I go in 5 days? UGH.......so I am not sure how my kids are going to deal with this.....they are pretty freaked about it too....

My oldest is.....well the mother hen.....the "don't worry mom, we will be fine, you go get this done and everything will be fine", but I can hear the uncertainty in her words and see it in her eyes......her sister, my middle child, she refuses to acknowledge the fact that I am going to be gone and so she just avoids the topic and my youngest, Dennis......he just kind of looks at me and asks....."Mom, can I come and stay with you?" To that I have to tell him that I would not be much fun and he would be happier at home, but he can come and visit me if he wants......

I know this is hard for them, each is trying in their own way to come to terms with the fact that I am going to be gone for a while.....hell I'm trying to come to terms with it......I have been as honest with each of them as I can about what I am having done and the risks involved......the older two know more then my son.....they can understand it......so I know it plays harder on them, on me.......but we all know that God will wrap his arms around us as we undertake this hurdle we must jump and He will continue to be with us as we continue to work through the recovery period......

My husband on the other hand, I know is very concerned......he is 7000 miles away and to know what I am going through all by myself......well it has to be very hard on him. Unless there is a complication he will continue to Soldier on and since I trust my surgeon 150%, there will be no reason for my husband to even think about coming home. I can and will do this alone, his soldiers need him there more then I do.......there are just some things I can and will do alone........and this will be one of them God Willing........

I know that after my surgery my posts may be either frequent or very infrequent, depending.......they may be upbeat or filled with pain and the struggles as I work toward recovery.....I can not predict anything at this point.....I can pray that God helps me find the courage to endure what I must and that I am able to recover fully and quickly and that my family is able to deal with my ravings as I do.........

So please if you could, please keep This Soldier's Wife and her family in your prayers over the next week or so, it will be a very trying time for us.......

15 comments:

  1. Prayer sent! I will be thinking of you and hoping that all goes well.

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  2. You and yours are definitely in my prayers for a successful surgery and quick recovery. *hugs*

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  3. Done. Take good care of yourself. 2007 was my big surgical year. I discovered that looking after myself, and doing it well, was the most important part of healing. It's okay to worry, be scared, have bad days, etc. Don't be too hard on yourself.

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  4. Definitely, we'll keep you in our prayers here. You and your family.

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  5. Lots of prayers from us too! We'll do what we can do from cyberspace to help you keep your chin up! It sounds like you're in good hands - both with your doctor and your kiddos!

    Good luck!

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  6. Wishing you a speedy and painless recovery.

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  7. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as well, ASW. Good luck.

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  8. Hey girl.....yes, prayers, always got prayers AND I have absolute faith that God has you ALL in the palm of Loving Hands.

    All will be well... 'Cos I said so....:)

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  9. You and your little ones will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you have a very speedy recovery! And to help you smile a little, just look at the silver lining, someone bringing your meals in bed for a little while. I wish your husband was there to hold your hand, but he just like the rest of us will be holding your hand from far away.

    sending you lots of prayers!

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  10. What a tough decision - but I think it is a good one. I will keep you and your doctor and your family in my prayers. a speedy recovery is my hope for you!

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  11. Good luck!! You'll be in my thoughts.

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  12. Wishing you a quick recovery. Sending prayers and good thoughts for you and your family.

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  13. Thank you to all for your thoughts and prayers.....from your lips or fingertips to God's ears....tomorrow will be filled with last minute details and time with my children...I leave you all with the final poem I posted to my husband as my last post until I return....I really don't have much left to say right now that I have not said already....other then, yeah....I'm friggin scared....funny, didn't think I'd be.....hard when you doing it all alone..... I guess I go back to "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?" See you all on the other side of this mess....

    ~Smiles and positive thoughts...
    A Soldier's Wife

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  14. Thinking about you. Praying for you. I hope all went well and you are already on that road to recovery.

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  15. thinking.. you guys will be fine, like she said -Cause we said so!

    LAW

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