Farewell 2007........good riddens.........

Happy New Years......

Welcome 2008......

So I know about when my husband should be home and lets just say.....I am really starting to look at life with a "light at the end of the tunnel" aspect.......I know that I will hit the over the year mark really soon, which all in all just totally SUCKS....but we all get by.......and pass that mark and begin the next day...until an entire year has passed.....without him.

I remember when he left this time, yeah this time, that really sounds horrible doesn't it? THIS time.....as opposed to last time or the time before that or before that one......UGH.....anyway I remember when he left THIS LAST TIME...we had just spent the holidays together.....rung in a new year and I felt as if I wanted to die......we said our goodbyes and left him.....and then I sat there in the car with the kids and we all looked at each other with that "NOW WHAT" spread across our faces.......I really had no answer for them....so we drove the few minutes home to the house and when we got there, we all just kind of sat in the driveway.......we got out of the car and all stood there alongside of it looking across towards the general direction of where we knew "HE" was.......knowing that there would still be hours before he'd begin the long journey across the ocean to that faraway land to even begin the beginning of this deployment........and now here we are, according to my Deployment Donut 80% finished......and getting ready to begin living the extension of that year......wondering how we have managed to survive thus far through yet another deployment.....

And yet......I spend each of my days looking back on yesterday to find a better way to deal with tomorrow and before I have realized it, a year has passed.....a year of laughs, a year of tears and a year of life living without my best friend.....a life that I have lived and one that he has lived......separate but always together, not far away from one another's hearts even if far away from each other's bodies......we have only a short amount of time left ~ 20%.....the last of this long legged journey yet to finish before we will find ourselves in each other's arms .....our souls knowing the other without having to have the physical connection.....but that physical connection I long for so much these days.....days spent at the end with a long sigh as I tumble into bed exhausted as I think of all that has transpired behind us and all that I still have that lies ahead of me.......so many hurdles yet to cross, and so many behind.......a race that feels as if it truly never ends.......but one that I see has a light at it's long end......a light that gets a bit brighter every day......

So for those out there who find my blog.....who are entering into a deployment for the first time, or have been through one before and this is the beginning of another.......remember that this too shall pass.....we get up each day....we face it with our best foot forward and we LIVE.......we breath and we never surrender to the sadness that ever looms as our warrior leads his life doing what he does........be proud, be strong.......be that military spouse that I know you can be.......the one I never thought I would be.....the one I turned out to be after 20 years........we can all do this if we just believe in ourselves....and know that what does not destroy us, empowers us.......that light at the end of the tunnel....the one that gets brighter each day....it empowers me.....to smile at the end of each day........even when I'm lonely.

Just say a small prayer and smile........Happy NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!


Love Poem.........For my husband.

"To My Dear and Loving Husband"
~Anne Bradstreet (1678)

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov’d by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompetence.
Thy love is such I can no way repay.
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let’s so persever
That when we live no more, we may live ever.


This generation's video games....it's definitely NOT Atari!!!!

We are a family that now owns 2 play stations and 2 x`boxes......someone explain this to me please. I am a fairly intelligent woman so how in the world have we managed to end up with what amounts to over a thousand dollars in video game consoles? I don't even want to discuss how much is invested in the disc games for these consoles or the different controllers that go with these games......it is staggering in what our extended family has dropped into these games as gifts for my kids......who I am sure have not even played them all......for that matter, probably hasn't opened them all.

So last night my daughter's had friends over. Normally this would be no problem, except for the game system..........which subjected me to the brutality of my daughters and their friends' new discovery.....the fine art of Performing. For hours on end last night, my son and I were subjected to four teenage girls, who are now not only determined to be the latest SINGING SENSATION, but are now also sure that are the next CARLOS SANTANA on GUITAR HERO and they are ready to take on DANCING WITH THE STARS.......all in one night.

I had to listen to them jam with the likes of the SCORPIONS and LEONARD SKYNARD sing along with DURAN DURAN and BLONDI and thump on the floor as they DDR'ed (DANCE DANCE REVOLUTIONed) their way almost through the pergo flooring of the house until 2:30 in the morning.......

After which they popped in the movie 300 that reverberated through the walls as King Leonidas and a force of 300 men fight the Persians at Thermopylae to Defend Greece......until I finally told them that was it, LIGHTS OUT!!!!!!!!! .........but alas there will be no jamming sessions tonight, no all night sing-alongs, the dancing floors remain silent, as mom has silenced the game systems......(she stole the connection wires from each of them)......yeah sneaky, but a mom has to do what a mom has to do, right? RIGHT?

They already decided they want a Wii ........my only holdout will be my husband, but last I heard they had emailed him about it, and since Dad wants to make the kids happy cause he's been gone for years I'm sure I will lose that battle.....but then two of the others have to go, there is simply no reason we have to have these things in duplicate....you can't play two at a time, can YOU?


Wow.....one day after Christmas

and I see we have been HIT WITH THE LOSE YOUR HOLIDAY POUNDS with a vengeance media barrage. I have seen this as THE top running story on each of the news pages I opened today from AOL to Yahoo....I mean did WE ALL OVEREAT THIS YEAR AGAIN??? That THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING to have running on the NEWS?

I mean there IS A WAR GOING ON!!! HELLO...the PRIMARY ELECTIONS BEGIN IN JUST DAYS running through to June.....(My state wont vote until February, but still) and here we are worrying over how the hell we are going to shed 10 pound in 7 days....I have the perfect solution, cut off your HEAD! The average person's head weighs 13 pounds and if the idiots writing this crap would cut theirs off, we would not be subjected to this any longer.....they must line these doctors up for weeks in advance with their interviews so that they have their copy ready at midnight on December 26th!

Wake up America, stop overeating and go out and take a walk this is really simple and it didn't change from LAST YEAR when you did it the LAST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHEESH


Oh Holy Night

As I sit here on this most quiet of all nights, thinking of all that has transpired in my life over the past year, I find it hard to imagine it has been as long as it has since my husband left for this last deployment.....and that had he not been extended he would be returning in what amounts to days.....I sit and watch the lights glitter on the tree and the fire as it burns down and know that is already Christmas morn where he is....so far away.

I am ever reminded of how many families......children, wives, husbands, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, who are sitting alone this Christmas Eve, having these same feelings that I am.....feelings reminiscent of ones from past holidays, ones spent together where their family was together and are now spent praying for the safe return of their warrior....and those preparing to send their's off.......and then the families who are marking the years alone grieving the loss of their loved ones and finally those who this year are feeling the raw emptiness of the very first Christmas alone knowing that it is just the first of many......and how my heart aches for all of them, not even able to comprehend a small amount of what they must be going through......

...this quiet moment of reflection, when I look at who I am and what direction my life has taken over these past years leaves me just a little bit sad tonight. We become so absorbed in this military life we lead that after what amounts to a lifetime of it, we too often forget what it feels like to be a new spouse, and what it felt like in the beginning.

During the holidays we get to see into that world, one that seems to be a distant memory to us and it reminds us of a time when we too were soldier's wives, once young.......and scared and alone and isolated...... Stephanie at She Who Waits reminded me tonight of how that felt and my heart sank and my eyes shed tears for her and others who, like her are experiencing that fresh pain of spending their first Christmas alone this year.

On this Holiest of Nights, when all is quiet in my house, in my life, in my heart, I look to God for an answer to my prayers, for some peace in our world. A world where we often take little time to just be still. Where many times we may forget what it feels like to need help or to a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to listen......where we have been just a little hardened by a lifetime of separation and military ways.........and maybe if we are still long enough, we can actually admit to ourselves that we are sad and that we hurt a little bit too.......

So tonight, may God Bless each of you, may he watch over you and keep you and your family safe, may He wrap his arms around your loved one far away and have them feel your love and may He grant stillness in us all that we might also feel His love in return, if only for a quiet moment that we can hold onto for just a little while longer............


Love Poem.........For my husband.

Merry Christmas my darling.....it will not be long until we are together again

Sonnets from the Portuguese
Sonnet VI ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Go From Me. Yet I Feel that I shall stand"

Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand
Henceforward in thy shadow. Nevermore
Alone upon the threshold of my door
Of individual life, I shall command
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand
Serenely in the sunshine as before,
Without the sense of that which I forbore--
Thy touch upon the palm. The widest land
Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine
With pulses that beat double. What I do
And what I dream include thee, as the wine
Must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,
And sees within my eyes the tears of two.


3 Doors Down ~ "Citizen Soldier" and the National Guard

I will not embed this video on my blog because the National Guard owns the rights to it, but I will provide the link to it so that you can go and watch it.....directly from the GO Guard site. The first 70k people can download the song for free. It is on YouTube as well....but here is the link and the lyrics.


This is an amazing song by an amazing Band and I suggest those of you who who have not seen the video movie or have not heard the song go watch it

Citizen Soldier~ 3 Doors Down

Beyond the boundries of your city's lights.
Stand the heroes waiting for your cries.
So many times you did not bring this on yourself.
When the moment finally comes, I'll be there to help.

On that day, when you need your brothers and sisters to care. I'll be right here.

Citizen soldiers.
Holding the life of the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we've sheltered.
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

When there're people crying in the streets
When they're starving for a meal to eat
When they simply need a place to make their beds
Right here underneath my wing you can rest your head

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care I'll be right here

Citizen soldiers.
Holding the life of the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we've sheltered.
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

Hope and pray that you never need me the rest assured, I will not let you down
I walk beside you but you may not see me
The strongest among you may not were a crown

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care I'll be right here
On that day when you don't have a street for the burden you bare I'll be right here

Citizen soldiers
Holding the life of the ones that need guide from the dark of dispair
Standing on guard for the ones that need shelter
We'll always be ready because we will always be there (less)


So Christmas is coming

Whether we want it to or not!!!!

And I am so not ready! I do not think I have everything for dinner and I have company coming.....I am still missing things that I can not find in the boxes that seem to keep multiplying around my house...and yet I swear there has to be more of them somewhere because I know there are things that were here that are not here now! I swear I am losing my mind.

I am not done shopping but I am done shopping, ya know? I simply think that if I have to buy anything else, it is for someone that I have not sent it to yet, because unlike everyone else, I am not wrapped around the aspect of it being late, if it's late, it's late. I kind of like the idea of late arriving gifts, gives me something to look forward to after the fact. I know, I know, call me crazy.

Lets see, we have blown out, stepped on, knocked over and hit with a football more Christmas lights then I care to count. I have had to scale the house on more then one occasion to fix them......right now I have to fix the ones around my door because apparently someone in the house (we won't point fingers DENNIS) slammed the front door and caught the strand in it and now the lights are not only out but are in shards in the door frame, can we say electrical nightmare waiting to happen? And then there is the infamous GFCI circuit breaker that continues to get tripped due to the combination of lights and hair dryers......exactly what do my daughters not understand about the fact that their bathroom outlets and the ones outside are all connected to the same circuit breaker? I have shown them what happens when you try to run the hair dryer with the lights on and yet at least three days a week I have one of them coming in to tell me that once again nothing is working in the bathroom, as if they have no clue as to why!!!

Then we have the weather and the lights that blew off the house that had to be put back on and the movable yard ornaments that have possessed motors that work at random, on occasion I feel like pulling a "Clark Griswald" and kicking all of it down and think to myself is it really worth it......all the work and the rework and worrying over it all.....and then I stood outside with my son last night who after helping me fix all of it, proclaimed to me "Mom, the house really looks good, I'm glad you fixed it again" .....so yeah, it's all worth it.......

Come on New Years!!!!!!!!!! :D


Goodbye Dan.......

I grew up loving his music, the world lost a great music artist and a family a wonderful man.....may God be with them today and everyday. His music will live on....this song will hurt to listen to this Christmas........

From his website


Sunday, December 16

Dear friends,

Dan left us this morning at 6:00am . He fought a brave battle with cancer and died peacefully at home in Maine with his wife Jean at his side. His strength, dignity and grace in the face of the daunting challenges of this disease were an inspiration to all who knew him.

In May of 2004, Dan was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.

A personal letter from D.F.

I cannot adequately express my gratitude to all of the thousands of wonderful people who have sent such incredibly moving and supportive e-mails via the Living Legacy web site. It is truly overwhelming and humbling to realize how many lives my music has touched so deeply all these years. Each one of you who have taken the time and effort to reach out to Jean and I have helped immeasurably to uplift our spirits and keep us looking strongly forward during some very rough moments. I thank you from the very depths of my heart.

I currently have no plans to return to the concert stage or the recording studio in the foreseeable future, but who knows? At least for now, I prefer to keep my options open.

Again my deepest thanks and love to all,


Now for the sermon.

To each and every man....

I cannot encourage you strongly enough to get a DRE (Digital Rectal Exam) and a PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) test EVERY YEAR.

The medical community suggests this for men over 50, but men with a family history of prostate cancer should start getting tested at age 40.

The PSA test is a simple blood test...it only takes a minute or two. The DRE, okay, every man squirms at the thought of this exam, but hey, it too takes only a minute or two, and IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Prostate cancer can be very slow growing or very aggressive, but detected early while it is still confined to the prostate gland, it can usually be treated and cured successfully.

Once it spreads beyond the prostate it is called Advanced Prostate Cancer (PCa). At this point it becomes imminently more life threatening and harder to treat. Do yourself and your loved ones a huge favor and GET CHECKED REGULARLY. I promise you, you DON’T want to go through what I’m going through if you can avoid it.

Education and awareness are key, I urge you to follow the link below to the Prostate Cancer Foundation web site and read up on how best to protect yourself and reduce your likelihood of contracting this terrible disease.

Prostate Cancer

Good wishes for Dan can be posted at:

Many thanks to Deborah and Laurie of "The Living Legacy" website for all their hard work.

The Gift.....beautiful Christmas Song

I heard this song one day a few years ago by this young lady and it made me stop and pull over to the side of the road for the tears that fell from my eyes made it hard for me to see.....

Garth Brooks also recorded it, but Aselin Debison did the song much more justice. The song was written by Stephanie Davis.


Love poem.......for my husband

Happy Anniversary My Love......

The Magic Of Love

Love is like magic
And it always will be.
For love still remains
Life's sweet mystery!!

Love works in ways
That are wondrous and strange
And there's nothing in life
That love cannot change!!

Love can transform
The most commonplace
Into beauty and splendor
And sweetness and grace.

Love is unselfish,
Understanding and kind,
For it sees with its heart
And not with its mind!!

Love is the answer
That everyone seeks...
Love is the language,
That every heart speaks.

Love can't be bought,
It is priceless and free,
Love, like pure magic,
Is life's sweet mystery!!

- Helen Steiner Rice -


Traveling for the holiday...

So I am joining the masses on the road this year....yeah what was I thinking, huh? And well, lets just say that I am so far from even ready to go that it is not even funny. I have yet to pack, much less finish my laundry.....my son is still asleep, not sure where his coat is. Last I saw of it, I believe it was in the trunk of my car. The girls, well, we don't need to even go there......Does the word disorganized come to mind? Right now it is the only word I can use use to describe how I feel. Not to mention I have no clue as to exactly where I am going....now how many people plan a trip with no clue where the final destination is? Sounds like a really bad plot for a B-rated horror flick. But how many take place in suburbia?

Actually I am meeting my girlfriend and her family at her parent's second home before heading to another relatives home for dinner tomorrow.....so I will really be in a weird, strange and unusual situation.... But in all seriousness I am very grateful to my friend and her wonderful family for offering to have us for the holiday but I wonder if they feel any of the nervousness that I do, having a total stranger and her family for a family holiday? They are a large clan though, maybe they will hardly notice us there.....hm....my family....nah, they will notice.......

Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, whether it be staying home or traveling afar.....keep our nation's heroes in your prayers... We have a lot to be Thankful for in them. God Bless.

Happy Turkey Day to all......



Why do people refuse to own their choices? I guess what I am getting at is, how can anyone make a decision in life and then say someone else is at fault? Aren't we, as adults charged with being responsible for our own actions, both good or bad? And in being so, doesn't that in effect make us also the owner of those choices? If that is also true then how in the hell can anyone blatantly claim that anyone, much less someone that loves them and only wants the best for them, is ultimately responsible in the end?

The person in my life who has done this makes me what to slap them silly.....and make them realize how much pain they are causing to the other person......in life no one can make us happy, it has to come from us, others only add to what we allow ourselves to be. You have to be the maker of your own fate, take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming others for what you see as unfairness in your life.

Being a grown up is not all sunshine and rainbows, it's sometimes about looking at the big picture and realizing that life changes and so must we in order to be happy. We also have to consider that not everyone we love is going to always live up to our expectations of what we want for them, but it's their life, not ours to live and so we need to find a way to be happy for them, accepting that they are OWNING their choices without blame, so WHY CAN'T YOU?

I love you ~R~ keep your chin up, it will get better!


One Wish.......for my husband

One Wish

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta -


Just how many fit this description?

I came across this the other day and of course had to laugh, because my daughters definitely fall into this category......but it makes me wonder who sits around and comes up with this stuff??? And so I clicked on it and got the rest of the story........my daughters would be saddened by the turn of events, should it be true! Hmm.....come to think of it, I'm pretty sure there are quite a few of us bloggers that would be equally devistated!!!!


Favorite Love Poems.......... for my Husband

~An Entrapment~

My love, I have tried with all my being
to grasp a form comparable to thine own,
but nothing seems worthy;

I know now why Shakespeare could not
compare his love to a summer’s day.
It would be a crime to denounce the beauty
of such a creature as thee,
to simply cast away the precision
God had placed in forging you.

Each facet of your being
whether it physical or spiritual
is an ensnarement
from which there is no release.
But I do not wish release.
I wish to stay entrapped forever.
With you for all eternity.
Our hearts, always as one.

- Anthony Kolos -

Baby your the one....

I won't put baby in a corner.....
I just can't think of any thing else I can say on the topic ~ :D


Poetry from the past, sacrifice in the present......

I have to share this wonderful poem with you and the blog that I took it from......and also some of those that the piece makes reference to.....I wrote this last night after reading it on Claire's blog, but felt that because of the words behind the piece I am talking about, I wanted to check with Brat and make sure that borrowing some of the work from the piece was kosher before I posted it, so I am changing the time to reflect the current time to now and thanks again Brat!

First the blog is Tanker Brothers and the piece in reference that was written was about "The Girl Behind the Man behind the Gun" which talks about some very special "girls". One is Claire over at Knee Deep in the Hooah. A blog I have to confess to being quite a follower of for some time. I have to agree with what the piece says about Claire and also about Some Soldier's Mom. These are two pretty remarkable women, both with children serving our Country in a time of War.....and then there is Shelly over at Can I Borrow Your Life who joins them as they endure the worries of having a child in danger.......but they are just a few of the many I know who have children standing up to defend or have already defended this Nation with little in return......my heart goes out to them and all the mothers of our service members, my mother in law as well. I can not imagine having a child doing what my husband does, what each of you must go through as a mother......and those like Claire, who have both sides of their heart tore at....well, I simply have no words.......and then there is Mel, who pens Calm Cool & Collected who's story is one of pain and sorrow and courage to regain a life that she never had any intention of leading.......the first time I came upon her blog I did not know if I could continue to read on, I was so immensely sad for this young woman, not much older then my oldest daughter, but I realized what great strength it takes at such a young age to endure what she has.....and so I read on......

I make no attempts to tell the story, just to add how each of these women and their stories have touched me. We all have a story, each unique, but bound by the same tears.......I could not in a million years be able to convey the sentiment behind the words to the piece, but I can put the information on my blog, and like me, maybe someone else will come upon the story and it will touch them too......

And so the remarkable poem I wanted to add to my blog, thanks to Brat......(and of course to the Vancouver Public Library for their hard work)

The Girl Behind the Man Behind the Gun

by MacDonald, Wilson Pugsley, (b. 1880)

You have seen the line of khaki swinging grandly down the street,
You have heard the band blare out Britannic songs;
You have read a ton of papers and you've thrown them at your feet,
And your brain's a battlefield for fighting throngs.
You have cheered for Tommy Atkins, and you've yelled for Jack Canuck;
You have praised the French and Belgians, every one.
But I'm rhyming here a measure to the valor and the pluck
Of the Girl Behind the Man Behind the Gun.

There's a harder game than fighting; there's a deeper wound by far
Than the bayonet or the bullet ever tore.
And a patient, little woman wears upon her heart a scar
Which the lonesome years will keep for evermore.
There are bands and bugles crying and the horses madly ride,
And in passion are the trenches lost or won.
But SHE battles in the silence, with no comrade at her side,
Does the girl behind the man behind the gun.

They are singing songs in Flanders and there's music in the wind;
They are shouting for their country and their king.
But the hallways yearn for music in the homes they left behind,
For the mother of a soldier does not sing.
In the silence of the night time, 'mid a ring of hidden foes,
And without a bugle cry to cheer her on.
She is fighting fiercer battles than a soldier ever knows:
And her triumph—is an open grave at dawn.

You have cheered the line of khaki swinging grandly down the street,
But you quite forgot to cheer another line.
They are plodding sadly homeward, with no music for their feet,
To a far more lonely river than the Rhine.
Ah! the battlefield is wider than the cannon's sullen roar;
And the women weep o'er battles lost or won.
For the man a cross of honor; but the crepe upon the door
For the girl behind the man behind the gun.

When the heroes are returning and the world with flags is red,
When you show the tattered trophies of the war,
When your cheers are for the living and your tears are for the dead
Which the foeman in the battle trampled o'er.
When you fling your reddest roses at the horsemen in array,
With their helmets flaming proudly in the sun,
I would bid you wear the favor of an apple-blossom spray
For the girl behind the man behind the gun.
(courtesy of Granger's World of Poetry)

Why am I still amazed at people's stupidity?

Check out Michelle Malkin's piece here, the loonies are running rampant in the streets of Washington State......

She states at the end of it "This is not free speech. This is unconscionable vandalism and physical interference intended to undermine the troops in a time of war. Someone needs to establish the rule of law in Olympia before it’s too late. Enough is enough.."

In my eyes, enough was enough oh, about a year ago and I'm thinking these people need to be charged with a whole lot of things....lets start out with murder, I look at it from the standpoint of we are not charging them with anything now, why not charge them with what they really are ultimately facilitating by their stupidity? For every piece of equipment they keep from being shipped out, it's one less the soldier's have to effectively do their job safely and that puts lives in unnecessary risk.....and someone dies.....and the fault comes back to the origin of delay......the morons back on the street sitting in front of the trucks trying to get this equipment to port......

And we wonder why people from other countries talk so poorly about our Leaders like Sarah over at Trying to Grok states in her Who Does This piece. Well America wonder no more......there is simply no one holding ANYONE accountable....sort of makes you wonder how safe you are, don't it?


Love does not die easily.

It is a living thing. It thrives in the face of all life's hazards, save one ~neglect.

~ James Bryden


How do I put into words.....

.......what my heart refuses to acknowledge?

My mind knows he's gone again....but my heart won't accept that he wont be walking back in the door any minute. It was the same when he came home, but the opposite. I was surprised when he would walk in the room now I can't shake the empty feeling I have now that he's left.

Maybe it is because he was here longer than anticipated, too many days to get used to him being here again......and none of it spent doing anything but trying to sift through the mess we are still facing with our home.

He left with little resolved and more questions then answers. No matter how hard I tried to fix things before he came home it just did not work out the way we had hoped. Things compounded on top of each other until it reach such a magnitude that it left us both exhausted. His down time was anything but and in the end he left more tired then he was when he got home. Every part of my heart breaks because of how things worked out and yet every part of my heart aches to have him hold me once again. To just feel his presence, his strengths, his love.

As I watched him walk down the gate to board his flight, he kept turning around and looking back at me. I could tell how hard it was for him to walk away again, to leave us again. No matter how heartbroken I am, I am ever reminded that he is the one that must give up everything in order to be who he is......and so as he turned to walk through the door he turned one last time and blew a kiss to us......as we all waved back, tears steaming down our faces......left to face the painful remainder of this deployment without him.......we know he was left to travel half way around the world to face it without us......I know it my heart, my head that it is harder for him to walk away then for us to let him do it.

And so to my love, my soul-mate, my husband........I miss you, I love you.......I pray for you, be safe.


The most wonderful of all things in life.......

......is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvellous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life.

~ by Sir Hugh Walpole ~


In absentia

I'm absent because my husband made it home....YAY...not sure how much I will be around for the next few weeks.....we have a lot we need to address while he is home on top of catching up.....don't think me rude or uncaring....I am simply needing my "hubby" time before I have to give him back and resume my "On My Own" me...again.

Will miss you all....

A Soldier's Wife (who has him home for a bit)


It must be a set up.....

I had a meeting today....actually my daughters and I had a meeting today.....for something we are doing together....and it was near the mall....

See I hate the Mall, actually I hate shopping.....so deductive reasoning would also make me hate the Mall.....I cringe when I walk through the door of any mall......I'm okay with a store because there is a reason for that particular store, even if it is a department store.....there is an end to it. In the MALL....there is no end to it....it's like the more you walk through it, the more the stores multiply.

I made a reference to this in the meme post about the 7 things about me, found here ....... it all began after I moved back from Europe. Shopping there is so much different and even though when we first moved there it was a bit of a culture shock, I eventually came to love small town feel, the open markets and quaint shoppes.....and now when I go into the MALL I feel overwhelmed, as if, if I don't hurry up and get it over with, I will never escape the mall maze.

So okay, I know its a little drastic, just list it up there in the certifiable category, but I really dislike the mall......then you add in two teens who love to shop, well you might as well add the men with the little white jackets to your speed dial and call them on my way out of town. After about 3 hours I have been ready to go home for A WHILE!!!! So of course we are all tired and I look at my oldest and just as I start to ask her to drive, she stifles a yawn....so much for that idea....we climb in and in no time flat THEY are asleep......so I am left alone with the radio.....but at least I get to control it....one upside!

In the end I truly do think I was set up, this is how it went down......"Hey, mom our meeting is out by the mall....so can we, like take back my shirt?"......turns into shopping trip.....we leave and my two teenage girls who were hopping and bopping to the satellite radio on the way to the mall have all of a sudden suffered a severe onset of temporary narcolepsy.... and why exactly am I not surprised?


Lemons.....I guess it's better then rocks =)

I think I will take the lemons! So Lemon Stand threw a lemon at She Who Waits

who in return tagged me with 6 others to reveal 7 things about ourselves that most people don't know....hm......how revealing do I want to be???????So lets see......

1. I hate the sound of my voice on videos.....and voice mail...if I can get someone else to record my messages for me, I will.

2. I am an introvert.....but I also tend to raise my voice a lot....I guess that is because I come from a long line of loud, yelling people, kind of contradictory.

3. One day about 8 years ago I decided everything I owned (house wise) was in keeping with how I was raised (very don't sit on this, don't touch that.....) and so I made a drastic change and it now reflects who I really am.

4. I love lip gloss, the more the better.....I have tons of it....and will never pass up an isle in a store to buy another one.

5. I only burn fall scented candles....pumpkin is my favorite......

6. I used to sing in a band. I'm guess to other's my voice wasn't too bad.....I now sing in the car with my kids.... (we just don't record it)

7. I hate to shop......despise it.....it is the bane of my existence. My daughters mention MALL and I come up with 20 other things we could do to avoid it. Online shopping is my favorite way....and before that it was via a catalog.

So here are five I'd like to know more about...... :)

1. Can I Borrow Your Life?
2. Non-Essential Equipment
3. Oh That's Gonna Leave a Mark
4. Knee Deep in the Hooah
5. The Life and Times of a Butterfly Wife


I wanted to join them.....

....it was one of "those" nights.......sleep had evaded me for hours........too much caffeine that day, too many issues thrown at me, too many people with too many problems....you know the kind of day that keeps your mind from shutting down......in the I end I found myself on an art site......going through some very beautiful prints....looking for something that might be a nice addition to my bedroom.....and I came across this one.......

It is entitled, "Dance Me to the End of Love" by Jack Vettriano

The image pulled me in...I wanted to be part of their dance, part of that moment they were in....if only for that moment, I could almost hear the music.....and then the moment ended.....I am missing my partner and in the end it just left me lonesome and sad......

I do think I will order the print though, something very Audrey Hepburn about it.....

To All the fallen Heroes........"Soldier's Song" by Babyface

A friend told me about this song today. It is the "Soldier's Song" by Babyface......I listened to it quite a few times in order to be able to place the lyrics at the bottom of this post, as they are no where to be found yet....it is a very moving song, and Babyface's own words behind why how the song came to be, just as moving.....they hit home for me...in a lot of ways..........

This following is an excerpt from the 17th of September Interview with Mark Edward Nero which can be found in it's entirety here
Nero: And the other new song on the album, "Soldier's Song," can you tell me a little bit about that song and talk about how it came to be?

Babyface: I was in Washington, D.C. staying at a friend's house and his son was in the service and he had just came home. He had a friend in the service who had just got killed in Iraq. Then I got on the Internet and looked up all the kids - all the soldiers who had died in this war. And the thing just kind of hit me, in terms of how these kids are going there and sacrificing their lives. They are going there with the intention of believing they are fighting for a purpose, fighting to protect us here back at home. Regardless of what the politics are ... it just hit me that for every life we lose there, they didn't die in vain. We appreciate the fact that they gave their lives for us. And I think the song just kind of came to me thinking that regardless of what their reasoning were, that we respect and honor their lives.

Lyrics to "Soldier's Song"

Another day or so
he'd be one year older
God Bless his soul
Nearly 18 yrs old
When he became a Soldier
God bless his soul

It's not like he didn't know
the way that things could go
Hope was all he had to cope
but he never made it home

I hope and pray that
when God called his name,
he did not die in vain
I'd like to think he died for you and me

And I hope one day,
and we look look back again
And he 's just a memory,
that we'll appreciate,
respect the life he gave

Another year or so,
she might have been a mother
God bless her soul
But she'll never get to hold
her baby girl I know her
God bless their souls

It's not like she didn't know
the way that things could go
Hope was all she had to cope
but she never made it home

I hope and pray
that when God called her name
She did not die in vain
I'd like to think she died for you and me

And I hope one day
when we look back again
And she 's just a memory
that we'll appreciate,
respect the life she gave

And I hope and pray
that when God called their name
That they did not die in vain
I'd like to think that they died for you and me

And I hope one day
we look back again
and they're just a memory
that we'll appreciate,
respect the life they gave
(respect the life they gave)
(respect the life they gave)


UGH!!!!! Football

I hate cable (tv).....I hate trees (well the tall ones in my yard)....yes go call Greenpeace on me....I hate housing for VARIOUS reasons....(this is just one of them....keeping the word hate in perspective here)


I am a diehard COLTS Fan!

My husband...he's from Texas, he likes the Texans and the Titans, both were Houston teams of course...today the COLTS play HOUSTON......they are both 2-0! The Titans, who are 1-1 play against the Saints Monday night, they are 0-2, so......stats are for all of you out there who are reading this that do not follow this great SPORT......my son is a fullback (offense position) and a defensive end (defense position) he's 9. (he loves football too, but tends to go for the team his dad does...which makes he and I on opposite sides...)

So back to why I hate cable, trees and housing....... My cable company is not showing the Colts game, I have too many damn trees for a signal from a sat dish and HOUSING will not permit the dish to be installed on my house for direct TV......

SO, I once again miss the COLTS game....I missed last weeks game.....where they squeaked by and beat the Titans by 2......but I did get some pleasure of letting my husband know later that night that his team had lost......he WATCHED it up until the last quarter on AFN....now I gotta tell you....it's great and all how AFN works....they don't just broadcast the best teams, there is a method to their madness too....but the Colts and Texans game is being broadcast today on AFN as well, its like I have to move back to Europe to watch some good Sunday Football, what is this world coming to????

Maybe I just figure since I pay for my television service, where I didn't when I had AFN in Europe......that I should get to watch the darn game! Monday night football is where I would go out with my husband and our friends and watch the game.....regardless of who was playing....it was just the fun of it......but I really have no desire to watch the Saints who were beat by INDY with a spread of 31 and TAMPA of 17 during their first two weeks! So......the new season of Heroes starts tomorrow night.... maybe I forego football watch and see if they can keep the world safe, you know, "save the cheerleader, save the world".......

Ugh....this deployment needs to end.....I really hate that I watch TV at all......there are so many other things I could be spending my life doing.......like sleep, or cleaning or laundry.....important stuff........is it October yet?

A touching Reunion ~ CPT Terri Gurrola

This is a photo of Captain Terri Gurrola being reunited with her daughter upon arriving back into the United States after being deployed to Iraq since last spring. She is a member of the 3rd Infantry Division, 3rd BCT, from Fort Benning, GA.

I came upon this photo while doing some reading this evening and I thought that it was such a striking photo and very moving. The emotion on her face left me in tears........

I then found another photo of her from a story that ran on MNF-I back in April of this year.......two beautiful photos of this young Captain with two different children in two countries separated by more then just miles......

CPT Gurrola, I hope you have a wonderful R&R with your daughter......your family, that you are able to relax and decompress........be safe as you travel back into Theater and know that we are praying for your safe return at the end of your Tour. The difference you are making can never be measured or repaid.......Thank you.

~A Soldier's Wife.


Favorite Love Poems.......... for my Husband

I just spoke with my husband.....the beginning of his day, the end of mine......as I heard TAPS play, I add this poem as a final goodnight........

I Love Thee
by Eliza Acton, 1799-1859.

I love thee, as I love the calm
Of sweet, star-lighted hours!
I love thee, as I love the balm
Of early jes'mine flow'rs.

I love thee, as I love the last
Rich smile of fading day,
Which lingereth, like the look we cast,
On rapture pass'd away.

I love thee as I love the tone
Of some soft-breathing flute
Whose soul is wak'd for me alone,
When all beside is mute.

I love thee as I love the first
Young violet of the spring;
Or the pale lily, April-nurs'd,
To scented blossoming.

I love thee, as I love the full,
Clear gushings of the song,
Which lonely--sad--and beautiful--
At night-fall floats along,

Pour'd by the bul-bul forth to greet
The hours of rest and dew;
When melody and moonlight meet
To blend their charm, and hue.

I love thee, as the glad bird loves
The freedom of its wing,
On which delightedly it moves
In wildest wandering.

I love thee as I love the swell,
And hush, of some low strain,
Which bringeth, by its gentle spell,
The past to life again.

Such is the feeling which from thee
Nought earthly can allure:
'Tis ever link'd to all I see
Of gifted--high--and pure!


He He....cool.....but addicting

New from Blogger

and a neat way to find interesting blogs....but I'd be careful what photos I upload now :D


Is it Autumn.......after all?

When I got up today I pulled on a pair of my husband's ripped and faded levi's and his favorite ranger sweatshirt in an attempt to feel closer to him. I stepped out the door and was hit with that scent in the air....the one that tells you that the season has almost changed overnight......I found myself smiling and then my eyes filled with tears that began to stream down my cheeks........ I was a little surprised by them.

There is nothing I love more weather wise then the days of Autumn...... that feeling you have when you know that the summer heat is going away and the air is clearing....I love it more then the crisp cold of winter and the snowflakes that fall, more then the first rays of sun that warm your skin in the cool spring air and more then the heat of the hot afternoon summer sun on your face........ It's when we begin to pull out the warmer clothes and fleece blankets to keep us warm on the cooler evenings to come....where we look to find things to protect ourselves from the unseen things in life we know can harm us.......even if the one thing we know and want is so far away..........

What was it that had caused them to spring up so quickly and unexpected? Was it the memories sparked by the sudden scent in the air of so many past days spent with my family during my most favorite time of the year? Was it the all the stress I have been going through lately and the lack of sleep? Or just because I am feeling a bit out of sorts, a little lost right now that another shift in my life just pushed me to tears?

I guess when you think about it, it does not really matter what was behind the tears as long as I always remember what they have taught me through this life........I will add today and the tears to other memories of Autumn days. Someday, when I am once again reminded of this day, I pray that I will be standing along side of my husband and we can say goodbye to this memory together, until then I thank God for what I have in my life, for the Blessings I have, even if they are a little tear stained right now............

~hm.........maybe I do know where the tears came from after all.............



My husband called me this afternoon, (night~time for him)......to say goodnight. He need not say anything for me to tell how things are for him....I could tell from the sound of his voice that it had been a hard day......another in a series of them. There is so much going on right now that no one has much control over. My life here at home, unfortunately falls into the same category right now..... that stress, compounded on the issues he faces daily has made things all the more difficult for him. I guess if it were me, I too would want to talk to my wife at the end of the day to feel like I had some normalcy in my life, to know that I was connected, if only by a phone line to the life I left so long ago.....

But, it was one of those conversations where neither one of us had much to say to one another. I hate those. They leave me feeling as if I have failed him in some capacity as his partner, his wife....his best friend. They also leave me very sad. We have always made it a given that we end those conversations instead of dragging them out, no use making it any worse on either of us.

As we were getting ready to say goodbye my husband quietly said to me"Babe, I miss you so much today and I love you....." the words kind of caught in his throat as he sighed ".....and I just wanna come Home."

....... just a little while longer and you will be home.....although be it for just a short time, and....... I miss you so much too......

Gathering of Eagles in Washington, D.C. ~ September 15th

Michelle Malkin's got it all here


"A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne

Sarah who authors "Trying to Grok" introduced this poem to me recently. It is her favorite poem in reference to deployment. I read many references to what John Donne was saying to wife when he penned this poem back in 1611, it is a very romantic poem, which although not about war, it is about separation between husband and wife, about a goodbye that he wishes for both of their sakes will not be one that causes a scene, but will be like the quiet passing of a soul to heaven......and so thank you Sarah for introducing me to the wonderful world of John Donne and his.......

"A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning"

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
and whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
The breath goes now, and some say, No:

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears,
Men reckon what it did, and meant;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we, by a love so much refined That
ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less eyes, lips and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stifft win compasses are two;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the center sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.


Poem written by a Mother to her Son

The following poem was written by Shelly who authors "Can I borrow your life?" A Blog that she defined as one where......"I am searching for a new life due to the fact my old life no longer fits. Stay tuned to see how this new life shapes up and if I can borrow, steal, or even rent a new one...." She is also the mother of a young man who has recently joined the Navy and begun training for a Special Naval Warfare Team.....and posted the following poem about him.....I have included this poem in my poetry labels because it is poignant and beautiful. It not only speaks from her heart of her son, but it speaks from the heart of all mothers of how they see their children's futures and how they differ from how that child sees their own.

Shelly thank you for letting me borrow your words and place them here to share with others who find my blog in search of these poems, which is the number one reason people locate it......her words, bring this Soldier's Wife, mother of three to tears as she thinks of the future of her own children and knows that one of them will most likely take the same steps that her son has and don the uniform of our United States Military.......Be safe, son of this poetic mother.....she writes of your life, of your training and of how proud she is of you, but she also writes of her underlying fear, if not in actual words, but in what is not in those words........

September 10, 2007, a post by Shelly of "Can I borrow your life?"

A Mother's Confession

My dreams for you were not your dreams
you dreamed of a different kind of team
how hard your worked to make me see
my eyes finally open it's clearer to me

how did I not know what was inside my boy

a silent warrior waiting to escape
the sea and duty calling your fate
combat boots in place of soccer cleats
Honor, Courage, Commitment you now seek

who is this man that replaced my boy

your quiet ambition will take you far
strength has made you who you are
my worries and fear they are very real
I won't let them overshadow the pride I feel

I now see the man who replaced my boy


Missing so much.....

I had to tell my husband today on the phone that our younger daughter got her first kiss.....

and then there was silence.

All things that they miss because of being gone. So many firsts that are missed because of the War. First births, first smiles, first teeth, first steps, first days of school, first kisses, graduations, weddings, deaths.......

How do you, as a defender of our Nation, reconcile what you cannot get back?

I have missed a lot over the years by the life I chose to live. But what I missed, I did so because of various things........timing, location, monetary consideration, but when you do what they do, it is not a matter of choice. In the end you are left with the thoughts and sadness of all you have missed in a life that moves along without you while you are away defending your country and it's rights. Things, that once upon a time, you never dreamed you would ever miss.......

Like your 14 yo daughter's first kiss......or your wife telling you about it in person......and so 6500 miles away, on the other end of the line............ there is silence.

I am sure tonight as his busy day ends, he is taking a quiet moment of his own to reflect on what this means.....his baby is growing up without him here to guide her, to be a part of it ......that he has lost a part of his life he can't get back.

God Bless you tonight sweetheart and may He help you find peace at a time when I know things are anything but...............God Bless you all........be safe and may all of you know that even with all that is missed.......nothing is missed more then YOU!




......confession of a bad mommy.

**Disclaimer....I tried not to make myself sound as pathetic as I probably did at the time this actually took place....but yesterday when I told my son that HIS Flat Daddy had come...he said "Don't you mean YOUR Flad Daddy?" and so here comes the....um story/confession.....

{Oh and could you please read quietly to yourselves, this is a quiet confession} so back in the middle of the summer I ordered a flat daddy for my son........I had showed it to him online and after a discussion he agreed that it would be cool to have. (I guess I felt I needed justification to order it and pay for it and he was it).

Well it took a little less then two months to come in and I had forgotten I'd ordered it....the email I used when placing the order, I don't check all that often, so when it arrived last week I was a little surprised......(I still need to get the cardboard to glue it to so that it can be finished)

Okay so now here is the confession part .....although my son thought it was cool when I showed it to him, and he made jokes about how he could throw a football to him (the flat daddy) and then make fun of how bad he catches........or he could sit with him and watch football this season without the same old arguing over the games this year......but in reality, I think I was so convincing on the side of "lets do it" because (I wanted it?) it would actually make me feel, closer to my husband somehow too, possibly?

All the reasons I gave him....could also apply to me....and somewhere in my brain, I was rationalizing spending 60.00 on something that may or may not help me feel less cut off from him......I know I'm bizarre, go out and get my head examined bizarre.....at least that was what was going through my head, thus why I needed the 9 yr old as my cover (bad bad mommy practice).

But I guess I never really considered how this "idea" can help you in the absence of the one person you want to be with so badly.....someone obviously put alot of thought behind it, because it is a very popular thing.

I also never thought about how I'd change my point of view about it later on when I had mixed feelings over others I'd seen with them before. But of course my experiences with this had been in a public arena, at a child's sports event, or the Commissary......or riding around in the front seat of a van with the seat belt on....... and although I thought it kind of endearing, the words Psychiatrist and white padded cell entered my mind briefly........ right before I saw how happy the kids were to have it there, and in the background a smiling mother.

And yet here I am, the one in possession with a life-size poster of the upper part of my husband. Now it's a cool photo......no posed smile for the camera so my wife can make a poster out of me, photo.....No, I used one of him in ACU's with him wearing his holster with his M9 strapped in.... it just now appears as if he is hunting down insurgents Al Qaeda in the dining room of our home.......so not a real great poster to drag around with us.....for excitement I can take him to the bank with us and we can all spend some quality time in JAIL......

So Flat Daddy "stand in" will have to spend his time close to home for everyone's safety, I mean I gotta confess here, that I was not really thinking that choice through!

But he's got this great smile on his face and no kevlar.... and he looks happy....and I asked him about the day it was taken and he said he had just awarded a soldier his first combat patch.....so I know he was very proud of the young man......which makes me happy that they captured that on film.....even if he's packing a handgun.

I guess if I get creative enough, He and I can hang out on the weekends, put on some hawaiian leis have happy hour together. I will do some scrap book pages of the time the kids and I spend with his "stand in" and make it a memorable reflection of a time that we missed him so much, we had a flat version done so he could be in the pictures......and not feel so left out of that time......

You know people who are not affiliated with the military must really think some funny/strange things of what we do......I guess you do what you have to.......even if the tear and sadness are mixed with bizarre/strange behavior and laughs......you can't stop laughing.

All and all I think the flat daddy it is a really cool thing. I know the daddy dolls are great for the little ones....and I have read stories of where the flat daddy had helped the spouses too.....who knows...maybe with him coming home soon....and then going back.....it will help.......But if "he" gets in my way or on my nerves {insert eyeroll here}.........I will pack his flat butt up and mail him to Iraq to do his tour of duty.......if only to give my husband someone to throw darts at....

Oh and for children of deployed soldiers....the flat daddies are free, you only pay the shipping and handling on them, but they take much longer to get......it's almost worth it to pay the 49.50 then to wait the 4 months. Mine came in about 6 weeks......


And so it ends......

Keys have been found.....

It was the YAY! moment, but then the realization that it was my fault that they were missing to begin with. On the day we left for vacation, I moved my car into the garage, thus I had them in my hand when I got in my husband's truck, since, they were located, under his seat.

I do have to say in my own defense...that I asked the kids to look in there for them 6 weeks ago and they said that they looked very throughly and NO KEYS. Today I went through every drawer I had, all my purses, cleaned my desk, behind the furniture, checked the sofa's and the freezer again (not there Sarah) and finally I figured, well it can't hurt to look again. About 30 seconds into looking, I found them under the seat where they had fallen between them and were sticking up next to the speakers.

In my children's defense, I might have missed them too if I had not been so desperate to find them.....

So now we move on to the missing cordless phone...who knows that could be in one of the vehicles too since I make a habit out of forwarding it to my cell on the way out of the house.....
I guess I need to learn a lesson from this....."GET PAGING SYSTEM FOR ALL LOSABLE ITEMS!"


Celebrate the last day of summer.....

Today we unoffically officially (double negative there)bid a fond farewell to summer and begin the fall (well I will concede that it really doesn't end until the 20th by the calendar year and my children started school a month ago, but we all know that Labor Day is the day the pools close, so it's the day I always counted as the end of summer because I always started back to school the next day.... so bear with me here, k?)

Most put away their white shoes (and those that don't keep a watch out for Kathleen Turner so you don't end up like the poor juror in Serial MOM) Go read this post from Hooahwife from last year, I love the post and the comments about the white shoe issues...... My position, well I have a fabulous pair of Brighton sandals, that I wear all the time, and I am simply NOT putting them away....it's still 95 degrees out......so for all the other fasion rule breakers out there.....you are my fashion heroes!

So back to the farewell to summer.....I was happy to bid winter goodbye, and pull out the cute spring things that were packed away....transition into summer with bathing suits and talks of the beach....and now to anticipate the cool air of fall and changing leaves on the trees. Even a teeny-tiny part of me is happy (I know I will hear grief on this from a few) to actually see the preparations for the fall and winter holidays in the stores. It is the seeing not just the knowing, that time passes and we all move forward.....each day flows into a week then a month and into the changing of seasons. Across the world military familes pull off the calendar pages and mark another milestone in our deployments, edging closer to the day we all will welcome our heroes home from far away.

Most of us learned about the beginnings of Labor Day, I still remember how it came to be and I know that there is still somewhat of a debate ongoing as to who was the founder of it......I know what it did in terms of the foundation and protection it laid for our country's workforce. It along with the events of "May Day" and those that stood up and paid the price for America's workforce will forever be remembered thanks to this day. A day set aside every year to remember those who over a hundred years ago sacrificed so much for the rights of so many.

But today......for military spouses who are spending a long weekend alone or with their children, worried and feeling an absence in their hearts, no amount of history can replace that hole. I'd have to say that our milestones take a higher precedence.

So today, instead of Happy Labor Day, I wish you "Happy Reaching Another Milestone Towards Welcoming Your Hero Home Day". I'm sure I will say this again before my deployment is over, I tend to say this to my kids often....they sort of look at me funny and then tell me it's going to be alright......I think they are worried that I may just be a little off my rocker......I guess the don't get that I say if for them as much as for me. I'm think I'm just one of the exceptions to the rule.....I tell my kids how I feel and want them to talk to me about how they feel about it......I guess that might make me a little nuts. Gotta laugh here.....cause who wouldn't be?

So go out and do something nice for yourself today and if not today, soon because you deserve it!

~A Soldier's Wife

In light of my fall reading choice.....

Which will be rereading Jane Austin's collection, I decided I would take a quiz to find out what Jane Austin Character I was......and surprisingly enough, based off of the strange questions that required me to really think about the answers.....it was pretty close...... SO.....

Which Jane Austen Character Are You?

You are Anne Elliott from Persuasion. You might also be Harriet Smith from Emma, or Fanny Price from Mansfield Park or possibly even Jane Fairfax from Emma. People underestimate you all the time. You are somewhat introverted, so it is assumed that other people can persuade you to do anything, or even think that they can roll right over you, even when they mean to be doing you a good deed. The good news is, you have it within yourself to stand up and take charge-- you know what's right, and you know what you want, after all!

It's just a matter of speaking up!

Take this


Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code
This is another great site for her work, although the discussions
may give away the plots to those who have never read her before


The days just seem to run on and on....

I think I am the point where I don't even know what day it is. I used to be organized. Scheduled. I had calendars that were prepared and posted so that I could make sure I did not forget things. I had a dayplanner that was equally organized. I carried a calendar in my purse and it too was sychronized to the other ones. I had one for the following month as well so I could plan that out. Kids schedules were on there, notes for the things I needed to do too......

But then......something happened. I am not sure of the exact date of when it all took its dreadful turn for the worse, but it would be about the time my mother came to visit. She is retired, so not really on a schedule, so mine was sort of a hassle to her....I did my best to reschedule things for the 4 weeks or so that she was here. And in doing so it caused some issues for me, I had to miss some meetings and it did back me up. With the children headed to the end of the school year, their functions also caused some rifts, but nothing huge, or that I could not handle......that was over 4 months ago.....and slowly it has gotten to be where we are today......CHAOS. (FLYLADY defintion CHAOS= Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) Yep that would be ME AND MY HOUSE!!!!!!

So I know I have to sort out my Chaos (can't have anyone over syndrome) before my husband gets home for R&R. And it is proving to be a bit more exhausting then I thought, because, well, I just don't feel like doing it. You know I have good intentions the night before...but the reality of it the next day is sucky. For the first time in my life, I am unorganized and I don't know how to dig myself out of it. I think I need a backhoe!

I went onto the Flylady's website and within the first 2 minutes of looking at it, it had me running for the Ben & Jerry's (I also don't like Ice Cream by the way).

So tomorrow the Fly Chick and I have a meeting, well, let me rephrase that, I have a scheduled a block of my time (away from the CHAOS) to read up on her approach, to try to take some steps to get out of my mess, she on the other hand will sit on her chubbly little bum and laugh at me....... I have fought her for a couple of years, refused in fact to read her site, knowing that I needed none of her help....she is a rather overweight little fairy thing.....but, alas she has wore me down {hangs head in shame} and I am going to give her a chance.....what can it hurt? {thinks for a moment, light bulb goes off!!!} I'll tell you what it will hurt, I could turn into one of those Preaching women (I actually know some of these women, and it may not be about FLYLADY.....replace that word with anything they want to preach about) you hear them all the time, you know the ones that say"OH, you should seriously try FLYLADY, she changed my life" or the "you just don't know what a difference it will make in your life and your family's"......UH!!!!!! If I start posting about this please VIRTUALLY SLAP ME!!!!!

But honestly I really don't know how anyone can live in unorganized chaos. I can do Organized Chaos....having kids means having Chaos......to some degree at least, but this unorganized, I can't find anything, this "does anyone know where MY KEYS are?" kind of CHAOS, is seriously pushing me to towards hiring someone to come in and do it for me (I am so pathetic)....that or beg my sister to come to my rescue. She is the QUEEN of Organization.......hm.....there is a thought.....maybe I should shoot her the link to my blog, this post in particular.......Well.....okay so maybe not.....I don't think I want anyone in my family to know EXACTLY how unorganized I really am... (or that I can't find my keys after 8 weeks)

Either way, I must clean this house and get it reorgnized, so FLYLADY or not......I will do it, if only to find MY KEYS!!!!! Oh and so I CAN have someone over .....which would be CHSO {ends post with puzzled look on face}

Favorite Love Poems.......... for my Husband

I began this category last month with one of my first posts.....it was of my very favorite poem by E.E. Cummings.... I guess with this post I will just continue on with it.

I studied poetry when I was younger, my interpretation of the romantic genre was not as "on" as I would have liked, but as I have gotten older, I have realized that it was because I had nothing to relate it to.....that has changed over the years as has my love for them.....the beginning of this piece by Mrs. Barrett Browning is very famous, but it is the rest that really strikes my heart and the last line that pulls me in and makes it part of how much I love the man I married.

How do I love thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.