Oh Holy Night

As I sit here on this most quiet of all nights, thinking of all that has transpired in my life over the past year, I find it hard to imagine it has been as long as it has since my husband left for this last deployment.....and that had he not been extended he would be returning in what amounts to days.....I sit and watch the lights glitter on the tree and the fire as it burns down and know that is already Christmas morn where he is....so far away.

I am ever reminded of how many families......children, wives, husbands, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, who are sitting alone this Christmas Eve, having these same feelings that I am.....feelings reminiscent of ones from past holidays, ones spent together where their family was together and are now spent praying for the safe return of their warrior....and those preparing to send their's off.......and then the families who are marking the years alone grieving the loss of their loved ones and finally those who this year are feeling the raw emptiness of the very first Christmas alone knowing that it is just the first of many......and how my heart aches for all of them, not even able to comprehend a small amount of what they must be going through......

...this quiet moment of reflection, when I look at who I am and what direction my life has taken over these past years leaves me just a little bit sad tonight. We become so absorbed in this military life we lead that after what amounts to a lifetime of it, we too often forget what it feels like to be a new spouse, and what it felt like in the beginning.

During the holidays we get to see into that world, one that seems to be a distant memory to us and it reminds us of a time when we too were soldier's wives, once young.......and scared and alone and isolated...... Stephanie at She Who Waits reminded me tonight of how that felt and my heart sank and my eyes shed tears for her and others who, like her are experiencing that fresh pain of spending their first Christmas alone this year.

On this Holiest of Nights, when all is quiet in my house, in my life, in my heart, I look to God for an answer to my prayers, for some peace in our world. A world where we often take little time to just be still. Where many times we may forget what it feels like to need help or to a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to listen......where we have been just a little hardened by a lifetime of separation and military ways.........and maybe if we are still long enough, we can actually admit to ourselves that we are sad and that we hurt a little bit too.......

So tonight, may God Bless each of you, may he watch over you and keep you and your family safe, may He wrap his arms around your loved one far away and have them feel your love and may He grant stillness in us all that we might also feel His love in return, if only for a quiet moment that we can hold onto for just a little while longer............



  1. Merry Christmas ASW.
    God Bless You too.

  2. Well said, ASW. I'm really not sure which is worse, being the one who's deployed or the one who's left behind to hold down the fort. And I really mean that. Neither is easy, but "keeping the home fires burning," with all the attendant responsibilities, big and small, is danged difficult. I don't think I'd have traded places with my wife if I'd have had the choice.

    As for those who have lost loved ones...there are no words in my vocabulary to describe that level of pain and emptiness.

    I hope your Christmas was as peaceful and joyous as it could possibly have been.


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