To My Daughter

I wrote this on Monday morning after I took my children to school. This is my oldest daughter's last year in school before she will head to college.....ever aware of her fear of the future, I did my best to not reveal how I felt inside over her last year of high school.....but after being inspired by this from my friend T, I thought maybe, well....that I would go ahead and publish it.

Baby,

I did not know what I was having when I was pregnant with you....I didn't want to know. The miracle that you were was enough for me, I found comfort in knowing that you were just there, often when I was all alone.......I was overwhelmed when the doctor said "it's a girl." I cried......I still do when I think about it.

I am not sure when you got to be so beautiful....was it when you first cried, back when it was just you and me kid? Were you always so inquisitive? So full of questions? You walked early, talked early, got teeth early....so ready to just get on with it, you began growing up before I realized it was possible. Do you remember when I knew you could read? What the first word you read aloud to me was? It was Donut, we were driving....and you told me you wanted one....I laughed out loud and turned around and got it for you....you were five. Do you remember how you used to repeat everything I would say....often using the same colorful adjectives......I was apalled, but everyone else thought you were so cute.....

Your eyes always took in so much and were always the first thing anyone ever noticed about you.....so blue, so big......so beautiful, they still are, followed by your beautiful smile. You were the wind beneath my wings when I was just discovering how to be an adult.....the one thing that brought me out of the dark days of a war....did I ever tell you that?

How did you get to be almost 18 years old and graduating this year? I look back at photos and videos of you growing up. How proud I have always been of how you gracefully eased through all that life through at you.....the loss you experienced, the pain you went through and even coming close to losing one of your closest family members, not once did you fall......but then I have always been there in case you did.

As I looked at you this morning, my heart filled with so much, I hardly knew where to begin and so I was pretty quiet......you twirled around like you used to when you were little, looked over your shoulder at me and said, "Hey Mom, it's my last first day." It was all I could do to not let you see the tears as they welled up in my eyes.....when did you get to be so grown up, where is my little girl....with the bright inquisitive blue eyes and giggles when I held her....she has been replaced with this stunning creature I sometimes hardly recognize.....did I miss your life? I know I was there.....but being your mother has never once been hard, so maybe that is why you seem to have grown up in the blink of an eye.

Those hard days, the ones that stand out in my mind, the ones you rose above and showed what kind of resolve you had in you......the day I took you and your sister's cell phones away to make sure I was the one to tell you about your friend dying and then you held your little sister, the day the war came home to us, the day your friend at school didn't wake up.....through glasses and braces and disappointments you took life in stride, never once turning away from me. You knew I was there for you and you always sought the solace and safety of my arms, knowing that I'd make everything alright.

But now, I think you know that it's time to spread your wings, to find where your place in the world is, to discover where this last year of high school will find you.....ever knowing that I am always going to be Mommy, even on the day you become a mother yourself. I love you with all my heart, my love, my firstborn, my beautiful grown up daughter. I will always be proud to be you mom, privileged to have you in my life, thanked God every day for you, even before you were officially you, but as you grow up, I am excited about being your friend....

Ironic....

I woke up this morning at 5am to the sounds of my husband dressing for PT. I vaguely remember him kissing me goodbye......then my next recollection was him kissing me hello after PT a few hours later. But before, I finally fell asleep at 3am.......and in between I drempt of my father, who died 14 years ago and of course upon awakening, I now just miss him terribly.

I logged into my blog and checked out my daily reads and Spousebuzz's Gbear had this post up this morning....and here is the irony.....it is also what I am writing about today.....

The dreaded insomnia that we all endure. She referred to it as TDY Insomnia....and while for the most part I would say that it is a fitting title for what we go though as military spouses. But we also endure it during different parts of our lives. As I grew up the problem began in my teens and has only been compounded with more complex issues......the day's events for example, how often do you lie awake and worry about something that happened that is out of your control, it doesn't matter that you can't do anything about it, you still lose sleep. There are the times during extreme stress, hectic schedules, sorrow and worrying that cause us to lose sleep. As adults, as parents, our children keep us up at night worrying over sickness when they are young and dates when they are teens....and all the things in between that cause the Sandman to evade us....

But me, I'm a career insomniac. What do you have to have in order to qualify for such a title, well you simply don't sleep. Sometimes for days, weeks and unfortunately one time, for almost 3 months straight (by the way, you get really really super sick from this). And so I read, I read everything...... during the deployments you could find me cleaning, doing laundry, etc....all the things I did not do during the day because I was so busy with other commitments.......I used to also surf the web but then I was just reading online.........still amazed at the bizarre stuff I would come across....but now, I have given most of that up and gone back to my old habit of reading late (or early into the am). At present reading Les Miserables with my oldest daughter who has to finish it for her senior AP English class.......although, I have been known to be up at 3am sanding walls (that damn foyer).

This habit has increasingly gotten worse every time my husband has had to go away (the dreaded TDY Insomnia Gbear speaks of). When he was with Group, it was bad....and then when he was home I would seem to creep back into some assemblance of sleeping, if it only being 4-5 hours. There have been times in my life where I have slept normally, (whatever that is) but it has been so long, I don't recall exactly when that was....... I do not have a television in my room because it promotes insomnia, even reading in bed does as well, but that I simply do anyway......but there are nights where I refuse to give into it, even if it means laying in bed for hours praying......most nights I eventually fall asleep, but it seems to be 30 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Last night my husband, who in all the time he has been home has never had issue with my late night habit of reading, woke up and rolled over to me at 12:30am and said, "Babe, you gotta get back to a normal sleep schedule." Hm.....and here is where this becomes an issue......I don't have one anymore. This is who I am........I have lost so much sleep in my life, I surely have aged well past my 40 years. Experts say that inconsistent sleep can be a factor in having a shorter life.

A 2007 British study found that people who slept the same amount of time (seven hours) each night lived longer, on average, than people who adjusted their schedules to either add or subtract hours from their nightly slumber. Finding your own ideal sleep/wake cycle—and staying consistent—is key to healthy sleep, agrees Carol Ash, DO, medical director of the Sleep for Life center in Hillsborough, N.J.

I remember a time when we were told that you couldn't make up for lost sleep.....that it was just lost and you had to move past it.......whether that is true or not, I guess is up for discussion....but the following is a good example.

Q: Is it possible to make up for sleep hours lost during the week by sleeping in on the weekends?

A: Sleep can’t be fully made up until you get back into a regular pattern. One of the problems with trying to catch up on lost sleep hours is that it disrupts your natural sleep clock, which requires roughly 16 hours of wakefulness before you’re ready to fall asleep again.

After a night of getting only six hours of sleep, many people try to catch up by sleeping until 9 or 10 a.m. the next day. But when they try to fall asleep the next night at 10 p.m., their sleep clock won’t let them, because they haven’t yet been awake for 16 yours. They may not be able to fall asleep that night until 1 a.m., and if they have to get up early the next day, the whole pattern starts again.

It’s best to try to establish some regularity in your sleep schedule, so that every night you go to bed at a reasonable time, get a good amount of sleep and wake up at roughly the same time each morning. Varying that schedule by an hour or an hour and half isn’t a big deal for people who aren’t having sleep problems. But trying to make up three lost hours of sleep on a Saturday morning is going to be tough on anyone’s sleep clock.

Studies show that people who chronically lose sleep, find a way to adjust themselves to the problem......but they are deficient in their daily tasks, memory becomes a problem as well.......so how do you win with this..... For me, I have come to the conclusion that it is just something I have to live with.....best I can. But I hate that when it's late and I'm up, I feel like I am the only person, it seems in the world, awake........... The issue of the deployment/moving cycle from hell which we have been on has only made matters worse and it's no grand surprise that I don't sleep anymore.

My husband, he can sleep anywhere......he is a sleep magnet. But he also has vivid dreams when he sleeps.....when I told him of my dream of my father, he hugged me and kissed away the tears, but he also told me he had dreamed that he was back in Iraq......life was normal in his dream....but in real life.....it's not. How can it be for him when he has spent more time there then here......more time with soldiers then family......more time fighting and less time living? I mean, come on.....when you go away for years at a time.....why would home feel normal? And then there is my issue....... we have been separated for so long, we often wonder if we really know one another anymore..... Over time I worried about whether I would have a husband who would make it home alive and if so, would he be the same man? Let's face facts, I am far from the same woman.......

And so that just gives me pause to be concerned.....if we are the product of our experiences...... and what I have written is our life......is there a time when we will once again find a harmony in which to live, where his being here is normal for him and my having a husband home is for me? One where I can finally sleep along side of my husband all night long and he no longer dreams of war?

Coming to terms over growing children

My mom and I went out to lunch today. It was sort of a belated mother's day lunch except she took me out this year....last year she was here at the same time and I took her out. Her birthday falls very close to mother's day and today she laughed and said to me that we had sat in the same restaurant a year before together to celebrate her birthday and mother's day......I looked around and low and behold the memory flooded back from the previous year and I had to laugh, my mom has quite a memory for her age.

And so we sat there and chatted about my sister and her children, my niece who is getting ready to graduate and then the subject kind of gravitated to when I was in high school and I asked her if she had a hard time coming to terms with her age and with her children growing up when we were in high school.......I told her that I look at my children, and see them for who they are but in my mind I wonder when I got where I am.....how did 20 years of my life pass by and I can't remember my getting there??? She said that she too had to come to terms with this while watching my sister and I grow up....she was 48 when I graduated high school....the exact age I will be when my youngest graduates.....so I am right on target to follow behind her......will I feel the same as her? Am I already starting to feel the same as she did back then? One part of me remembers every waking moment of my children's lives and the other looks at it from the perspective of the audience of a play.......I know I was part of it, I was there for the most important steps, first smile, first tooth, first words, first steps, first day of school, tying their shoes, riding a bike, etc.....and yet I look back and remember like it was yesterday standing in the stadium getting ready to receive my diploma for graduation......I can feel the heat of the day, I can remember the air conditioning blowing down on us, remember the smell of the perfume I was wearing (it helps that I still have the bottle and it's half full by the way, I could never quite find a way to use it all....it was Lauren by Ralph Lauren) And yet, here I am at age 40 watching my niece getting ready to graduate, my daughter one year behind her and it feels as if the past and present are going to collide.......

And just before they do.......reality sets in and I remember that I already did all this, I had my turn, this is their turn and one day they, like my mother before me, will get the chance to experience the prom with their daughter, get to experience the wonderful nights when their son comes in their room, jumps on the bed and proclaims that she is simply the best mommy because she gives the best kisses, and oh, here's a kiss from daddy (because he's away) (at what age does that stop, because I need to prepare for that soon), and I will get to be the grandmother, the one to give her the advise my mother gave me today...... that it was just part of life, we all come to terms in our own way, in our own time....but we do, it's part of growing up. I guess I grew up again some today......I just love it when that happens......I love my mom.

Happy Mothers Day.....

Mother's Day brought in a wonderful new addition to our family. My niece had her baby this morning weighing in at 6lbs 8oz. Making my mother-in-law a great grandmother and my husband a great uncle and I guess me a great aunt. This has been a very hard pregnancy for her, having been in labor since her forth month and having had other issues throughout, we all feel very blessed to have this small miracle in our lives today.

Another welcome was the sound of sirens and off and on tornado warnings all morning. Nothing like the blaring sounds of the emergency broadcasting service across the installation accompanied by those sirens. My husband commented to me that they give off more of a "boy who cried wolf" syndrome because they use them when nothing happens and I agree with him. I think more and more people just blow it off.....the weather service errs on the side of caution and throws out the warnings and watches because of the conditions and while we heed them, having a room set up for our family should anything happen, I think most people don't really pay attention to it......sad, because when and if something happens, it will be bad.

And so as the afternoon rolls along, I am spending it with my family getting ready for another set of storms to move in, once again with the ever impending threat of tornatic activity. You know, I'd say I was happy to be leaving an area where tornado's happen, but where we are going, they are just as prevalent.

So Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers out there! Motherhood is the greatest experience and accomplishment of my life.

In honor of you.....my love on this very special day

by Julia

As a child you learn of a soul mate…a person made perfectly for you, your two souls become connected as one and are destined to be together until the end of time.

Through adolescence you grasp on to this idea of a soul mate, believing you will someday find the one.

But after much heartache and many rivers of tears, this notion you’ve held onto for years begins to fade.

As time goes by, day by day, year after year, you move forward, accepting of your failures and proud of your successes…until that day.

This is a day like any other, it begins no differently than yesterday and the days before, but it is a day that will change you forever, a day that the magic and fantasy of a soul mate becomes real.

For each of us it happens differently…the holding of eye contact, an introduction, a smile. Regardless of how it began, the moment is unforgettable.

It was a magical moment, frozen in time, the surroundings, the smells, the feeling you felt.

The rush of warmth through your body felt exhilarating and new, yet somehow familiar. It was a feeling you imagined time and again…but never this powerful.

As butterflies fluttered in your stomach it was an explosion of emotions. Who is this person that can make me feel this way?

As this invisible force draws you to this person you can sense a mutual feeling. A connection unlike any other you’ve experienced before, impossible to resist.

You feel a burning, a fire from deep inside, that you can’t ignore. From that first second of encounter this person is there with you, in every thought and action…causing you to smile, laugh, and feel more alive than ever before.

This person becomes a part of you, your other half…your soul mate.

And as you learned as a child, this person was made perfectly for you, your two souls are connected as one and are destined to be together until the end of time.

Welp, what do you say about that?

So while I was at the doctor's being told how lucky I was to be alive, my 15 year old who has (or I should say HAD) the most beautiful long hair in the world was getting a hair cut at the PX. I was quite proud of her actually.

See she is the quiet one, her older sister is like a one teen tornado, she walks in the room and sucks the air out of it. She is outgoing, in the honors program, she was in the band, but SHE WAS NO BAND GEEK, she has huge blue eyes, that look to her that has all the guys chasing her and she just laughs them off, she doesn't want a boyfriend because as soon as she captures their interest, her interest fades FAST like icicle in the oven FAST.........so back to my younger daughter, she has very striking features, very brilliant green eyes, she is not meek but she does stand in her sister's shadow.........what younger sister doesn't, I did, until I grew into myself........

Anyway, so she called and made the appointment, she did ask her sister to walk with her over there (we live really close to it) Now I saw the photo of what she wanted, but you know, I figured she would bale in the end and just have her hair layered like she usually did......

NOPE, her hair is gone......not gone like 3 inches long gone, but up to her shoulders then razor layered gone........I sat there and watched 10 years of her life fly by me and I almost cried, but if I cried then I knew she would, so I held it together........and so instead I told her a story of when I was in 8th grade I cut my hair off and got a perm and tried to style it myself and I looked like I belonged, well I had an afro, she understood this concept, I'm not sure if she would have understood Soul Train. We laughed as I told her I had to ask my sister for some help as she told me I needed to use a round brush and a curling iron......a curling WHAT? Yeah I'd never used one of those, but a few burned fingers and marks on my neck and head later I had it down.....crisis overted.

Then my daughter says, are you going to highlighted tonight, Um.....yeah, I did say I'd do that huh? So I had highlight my older daughter's hair many times using the pull through the cap proceedure (I sound so surgeon like) But my younger daughter's hair is darker then her sister's, whose hair only takes like 8 minutes to process, but my younger daughter's hair took 35 minutes, I was kind of worried, but as we rinsed, then washed and conditioned that worry lifted and she wrapped her hair (what was left of it :( ) and ran off to blow dry it to see the results.

The Results..........yeah that was when she came back out and we all sat there with absolutely nothing to say.......because the other 5 years that were left of her life, that was when they flashed by me without a sound, it was like a quiet passing of my daughter's last years of childhood into becoming a young woman with likes and dislikes and choices of what she wanted.......see I fought her cutting her hair for the last year, I kept telling her she would regret it, but I think it was about me holding on to my little girl, the last time she had short hair, she was 3, now she has the will and want to change her look, I had to go hug her and tell her how great she looked, she was so beautiful and then I excused myself with some lame excuse because I had to go cry.......she was no longer a child......

Love Poem.........For my husband.

Happy Easter Babe

A Love Forever
© By Gail A. Yarbrough

Every I love you, you whisper,
is like rain for the trees,
moonlight for the ocean,
nectar for the bee

Every kiss bestowed upon me
is like fragrance on flowers,
heat upon the desert,
mist from morning showers

Every glance in my direction
is like flame to the fire,
a twinkling of stars,
a spark of love's desire

Every moment in your arms
is like waves to the ocean,
a rushing, primal urge,
a sweet mix of emotion

Every passing year marriage
is like joy without measure,
a life without limits,
I shall love you forever.

An Answer .........for my husband

My husband wrote me a book and recently when he was home, he gave me this book. This book was the most precious thing I think he has ever done for me. This book was about why he loved me.....in it he listed pages and pages of things that are about "Why" he loves me....... I wrote this as an answer to that book. I love you Babe, you are my world.

"How Could I Not Love You?"
by A Soldier's Wife

How could I not Love You when almost every moment of the day I think of you, of us and the wonderful life we have.
How could I not Love You when the sweet sounds of our children's voices echo around me, echoes that I know only your love made possible.
How could I not Love You when every room of our home holds memories of our life, our love.
How could I not Love You when I know that when I look up to the heavens, I know you are too, sending your love from thousands of miles away.
How could I not Love You when although we don't share a perfect love, it is one that will stand the test of time.
How could I not Love You when I know that if I make a mistake, your heart will forever forgive it.
How could I not Love You when no matter where we are you make me feel like I am the only woman alive.
How could I not Love You when every hope and dream either of us have ever had, you never once doubted me, nor I you and now we share the same hopes and dreams.
How could I not Love You when I think back to the paths we both have lead and now know that there was always something pulling us towards one another.
How could I not Love You when I know that in a room full of strangers, a simple smile from you assures me of your love.
How could I not Love You after all the time we have been apart over the years, upon your arrival home, I need only gaze into your eyes to know that the love we share is a forever one, for you are my soulmate.
How could I not Love You when I know without a doubt, that God always intended for us to love.

Love Poem.........For my husband.

Longing For The One You Love

Author: Shirlotta Tidwell

For the longest time
Have I longed to touch thy face
To kiss thy beautiful lips
And feel the warmth of thine embrace.

For the longest time
Have I longed to hold thee near
And whisper sweet caresses
From my mouth into your ears.

For the longest time
Have I longed to sing out loud
Of the passion that I'll feel
When we dance beneath the clouds.

For the longest time
Have I longed to be with thee
To join my heart with your soul
Until you're the greatest part of me.

For the longest time
Will you and I be together
Until our fantasies have become realities
And our spirits have become one forever.

Love Poem.........For my husband.

Not much longer my love............

Missing You
by Kim Williams

I want to be near you.
I want to be close to you.
I want to hear the sound of your heart
as I gently lay against your chest.
I want to breathe you, feel you and even become you.
I wish I could pretend my hands were yours
as they glide across my body softly and gently.
You are so far away,
how can you have this affect on me?
I wait upon the day when we can be close and near!

Love poem.......for my husband

Happy Anniversary My Love......

The Magic Of Love

Love is like magic
And it always will be.
For love still remains
Life's sweet mystery!!

Love works in ways
That are wondrous and strange
And there's nothing in life
That love cannot change!!

Love can transform
The most commonplace
Into beauty and splendor
And sweetness and grace.

Love is unselfish,
Understanding and kind,
For it sees with its heart
And not with its mind!!

Love is the answer
That everyone seeks...
Love is the language,
That every heart speaks.

Love can't be bought,
It is priceless and free,
Love, like pure magic,
Is life's sweet mystery!!

- Helen Steiner Rice -

One Wish.......for my husband

One Wish

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta -

Favorite Love Poems.......... for my Husband

~An Entrapment~

My love, I have tried with all my being

to grasp a form comparable to thine own,

but nothing seems worthy;

I know now why Shakespeare could not

compare his love to a summer’s day.

It would be a crime to denounce the beauty

of such a creature as thee,

to simply cast away the precision

God had placed in forging you.

Each facet of your being

whether it physical or spiritual

is an ensnarement

from which there is no release.

But I do not wish release.

I wish to stay entrapped forever.

With you for all eternity.

Our hearts, always as one.

- Anthony Kolos -

Poetry from the past, sacrifice in the present......

I have to share this wonderful poem with you and the blog that I took it from......and also some of those that the piece makes reference to.....I wrote this last night after reading it on Claire's blog, but felt that because of the words behind the piece I am talking about, I wanted to check with Brat and make sure that borrowing some of the work from the piece was kosher before I posted it, so I am changing the time to reflect the current time to now and thanks again Brat!

First the blog is Tanker Brothers and the piece in reference that was written was about "The Girl Behind the Man behind the Gun" which talks about some very special "girls". One is Claire over at Knee Deep in the Hooah. A blog I have to confess to being quite a follower of for some time. I have to agree with what the piece says about Claire and also about Some Soldier's Mom. These are two pretty remarkable women, both with children serving our Country in a time of War.....and then there is Shelly over at Can I Borrow Your Life who joins them as they endure the worries of having a child in danger.......but they are just a few of the many I know who have children standing up to defend or have already defended this Nation with little in return......my heart goes out to them and all the mothers of our service members, my mother in law as well. I can not imagine having a child doing what my husband does, what each of you must go through as a mother......and those like Claire, who have both sides of their heart tore at....well, I simply have no words.......and then there is Mel, who pens Calm Cool & Collected who's story is one of pain and sorrow and courage to regain a life that she never had any intention of leading.......the first time I came upon her blog I did not know if I could continue to read on, I was so immensely sad for this young woman, not much older then my oldest daughter, but I realized what great strength it takes at such a young age to endure what she has.....and so I read on......

I make no attempts to tell the story, just to add how each of these women and their stories have touched me. We all have a story, each unique, but bound by the same tears.......I could not in a million years be able to convey the sentiment behind the words to the piece, but I can put the information on my blog, and like me, maybe someone else will come upon the story and it will touch them too......

And so the remarkable poem I wanted to add to my blog, thanks to Brat......(and of course to the Vancouver Public Library for their hard work)

The Girl Behind the Man Behind the Gun
by MacDonald, Wilson Pugsley, (b. 1880)

You have seen the line of khaki swinging grandly down the street,
You have heard the band blare out Britannic songs;
You have read a ton of papers and you've thrown them at your feet,
And your brain's a battlefield for fighting throngs.
You have cheered for Tommy Atkins, and you've yelled for Jack Canuck;
You have praised the French and Belgians, every one.
But I'm rhyming here a measure to the valor and the pluck
Of the Girl Behind the Man Behind the Gun.

There's a harder game than fighting; there's a deeper wound by far
Than the bayonet or the bullet ever tore.
And a patient, little woman wears upon her heart a scar
Which the lonesome years will keep for evermore.
There are bands and bugles crying and the horses madly ride,
And in passion are the trenches lost or won.
But SHE battles in the silence, with no comrade at her side,
Does the girl behind the man behind the gun.

They are singing songs in Flanders and there's music in the wind;
They are shouting for their country and their king.
But the hallways yearn for music in the homes they left behind,
For the mother of a soldier does not sing.
In the silence of the night time, 'mid a ring of hidden foes,
And without a bugle cry to cheer her on.
She is fighting fiercer battles than a soldier ever knows:
And her triumph—is an open grave at dawn.

You have cheered the line of khaki swinging grandly down the street,
But you quite forgot to cheer another line.
They are plodding sadly homeward, with no music for their feet,
To a far more lonely river than the Rhine.
Ah! the battlefield is wider than the cannon's sullen roar;
And the women weep o'er battles lost or won.
For the man a cross of honor; but the crepe upon the door
For the girl behind the man behind the gun.

When the heroes are returning and the world with flags is red,
When you show the tattered trophies of the war,
When your cheers are for the living and your tears are for the dead
Which the foeman in the battle trampled o'er.
When you fling your reddest roses at the horsemen in array,
With their helmets flaming proudly in the sun,
I would bid you wear the favor of an apple-blossom spray
For the girl behind the man behind the gun.
(courtesy of Granger's World of Poetry)

I wanted to join them.....

....it was one of "those" nights.......sleep had evaded me for hours........too much caffeine that day, too many issues thrown at me, too many people with too many problems....you know the kind of day that keeps your mind from shutting down......in the I end I found myself on an art site......going through some very beautiful prints....looking for something that might be a nice addition to my bedroom.....and I came across this one.......

It is entitled, "Dance Me to the End of Love" by Jack Vettriano

The image pulled me in...I wanted to be part of their dance, part of that moment they were in....if only for that moment, I could almost hear the music.....and then the moment ended.....I am missing my partner and in the end it just left me lonesome and sad......

I do think I will order the print though, something very Audrey Hepburn about it.....

A touching Reunion ~ CPT Terri Gurrola

This is a photo of Captain Terri Gurrola being reunited with her daughter upon arriving back into the United States after being deployed to Iraq since last spring. She is a member of the 3rd Infantry Division, 3rd BCT, from Fort Benning, GA.

I came upon this photo while doing some reading this evening and I thought that it was such a striking photo and very moving. The emotion on her face left me in tears........

I then found another photo of her from a story that ran on MNF-I back in April of this year.......two beautiful photos of this young Captain with two different children in two countries separated by more then just miles......

CPT Gurrola, I hope you have a wonderful R&R with your daughter......your family, that you are able to relax and decompress........be safe as you travel back into Theater and know that we are praying for your safe return at the end of your Tour. The difference you are making can never be measured or repaid.......Thank you.

~A Soldier's Wife.

Favorite Love Poems.......... for my Husband

I just spoke with my husband.....the beginning of his day, the end of mine......as I heard TAPS play, I add this poem as a final goodnight........

I Love Thee

by Eliza Acton, 1799-1859.

I love thee, as I love the calm

Of sweet, star-lighted hours!

I love thee, as I love the balm

Of early jes'mine flow'rs.

I love thee, as I love the last

Rich smile of fading day,

Which lingereth, like the look we cast,

On rapture pass'd away.

I love thee as I love the tone

Of some soft-breathing flute

Whose soul is wak'd for me alone,

When all beside is mute.

I love thee as I love the first

Young violet of the spring;
Or the pale lily, April-nurs'd,

To scented blossoming.

I love thee, as I love the full,

Clear gushings of the song,

Which lonely--sad--and beautiful--

At night-fall floats along,

Pour'd by the bul-bul forth to greet

The hours of rest and dew;

When melody and moonlight meet

To blend their charm, and hue.

I love thee, as the glad bird loves

The freedom of its wing,

On which delightedly it moves

In wildest wandering.

I love thee as I love the swell,

And hush, of some low strain,

Which bringeth, by its gentle spell,

The past to life again.

Such is the feeling which from thee

Nought earthly can allure:

'Tis ever link'd to all I see

Of gifted--high--and pure!

Is it Autumn.......after all?

When I got up today I pulled on a pair of my husband's ripped and faded levi's and his favorite ranger sweatshirt in an attempt to feel closer to him. I stepped out the door and was hit with that scent in the air....the one that tells you that the season has almost changed overnight......I found myself smiling and then my eyes filled with tears that began to stream down my cheeks........ I was a little surprised by them.

There is nothing I love more weather wise then the days of Autumn...... that feeling you have when you know that the summer heat is going away and the air is clearing....I love it more then the crisp cold of winter and the snowflakes that fall, more then the first rays of sun that warm your skin in the cool spring air and more then the heat of the hot afternoon summer sun on your face........ It's when we begin to pull out the warmer clothes and fleece blankets to keep us warm on the cooler evenings to come....where we look to find things to protect ourselves from the unseen things in life we know can harm us.......even if the one thing we know and want is so far away..........

What was it that had caused them to spring up so quickly and unexpected? Was it the memories sparked by the sudden scent in the air of so many past days spent with my family during my most favorite time of the year? Was it the all the stress I have been going through lately and the lack of sleep? Or just because I am feeling a bit out of sorts, a little lost right now that another shift in my life just pushed me to tears?

I guess when you think about it, it does not really matter what was behind the tears as long as I always remember what they have taught me through this life........I will add today and the tears to other memories of Autumn days. Someday, when I am once again reminded of this day, I pray that I will be standing along side of my husband and we can say goodbye to this memory together, until then I thank God for what I have in my life, for the Blessings I have, even if they are a little tear stained right now............

~hm.........maybe I do know where the tears came from after all.............

Home

My husband called me this afternoon, (night~time for him)......to say goodnight. He need not say anything for me to tell how things are for him....I could tell from the sound of his voice that it had been a hard day......another in a series of them. There is so much going on right now that no one has much control over. My life here at home, unfortunately falls into the same category right now..... that stress, compounded on the issues he faces daily has made things all the more difficult for him. I guess if it were me, I too would want to talk to my wife at the end of the day to feel like I had some normalcy in my life, to know that I was connected, if only by a phone line to the life I left so long ago.....

But, it was one of those conversations where neither one of us had much to say to one another. I hate those. They leave me feeling as if I have failed him in some capacity as his partner, his wife....his best friend. They also leave me very sad. We have always made it a given that we end those conversations instead of dragging them out, no use making it any worse on either of us.

As we were getting ready to say goodbye my husband quietly said to me"Babe, I miss you so much today and I love you....." the words kind of caught in his throat as he sighed ".....and I just wanna come Home."

....... just a little while longer and you will be home.....although be it for just a short time, and....... I miss you so much too......

"A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne

Sarah who authors "Trying to Grok" introduced this poem to me recently. It is her favorite poem in reference to deployment. I read many references to what John Donne was saying to wife when he penned this poem back in 1611, it is a very romantic poem, which although not about war, it is about separation between husband and wife, about a goodbye that he wishes for both of their sakes will not be one that causes a scene, but will be like the quiet passing of a soul to heaven......and so thank you Sarah for introducing me to the wonderful world of John Donne and his.......

"A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning"

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
and whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
The breath goes now, and some say, No:

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears,
Men reckon what it did, and meant;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we, by a love so much refined That
ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less eyes, lips and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stifft win compasses are two;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the center sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.