Farewell 2007........good riddens.........

Happy New Years......

Welcome 2008......

So I know about when my husband should be home and lets just say.....I am really starting to look at life with a "light at the end of the tunnel" aspect.......I know that I will hit the over the year mark really soon, which all in all just totally SUCKS....but we all get by.......and pass that mark and begin the next day...until an entire year has passed.....without him.

I remember when he left this time, yeah this time, that really sounds horrible doesn't it? THIS time.....as opposed to last time or the time before that or before that one......UGH.....anyway I remember when he left THIS LAST TIME...we had just spent the holidays together.....rung in a new year and I felt as if I wanted to die......we said our goodbyes and left him.....and then I sat there in the car with the kids and we all looked at each other with that "NOW WHAT" spread across our faces.......I really had no answer for them....so we drove the few minutes home to the house and when we got there, we all just kind of sat in the driveway.......we got out of the car and all stood there alongside of it looking across towards the general direction of where we knew "HE" was.......knowing that there would still be hours before he'd begin the long journey across the ocean to that faraway land to even begin the beginning of this deployment........and now here we are, according to my Deployment Donut 80% finished......and getting ready to begin living the extension of that year......wondering how we have managed to survive thus far through yet another deployment.....

And yet......I spend each of my days looking back on yesterday to find a better way to deal with tomorrow and before I have realized it, a year has passed.....a year of laughs, a year of tears and a year of life living without my best friend.....a life that I have lived and one that he has lived......separate but always together, not far away from one another's hearts even if far away from each other's bodies......we have only a short amount of time left ~ 20%.....the last of this long legged journey yet to finish before we will find ourselves in each other's arms .....our souls knowing the other without having to have the physical connection.....but that physical connection I long for so much these days.....days spent at the end with a long sigh as I tumble into bed exhausted as I think of all that has transpired behind us and all that I still have that lies ahead of me.......so many hurdles yet to cross, and so many behind.......a race that feels as if it truly never ends.......but one that I see has a light at it's long end......a light that gets a bit brighter every day......

So for those out there who find my blog.....who are entering into a deployment for the first time, or have been through one before and this is the beginning of another.......remember that this too shall pass.....we get up each day....we face it with our best foot forward and we LIVE.......we breath and we never surrender to the sadness that ever looms as our warrior leads his life doing what he does........be proud, be strong.......be that military spouse that I know you can be.......the one I never thought I would be.....the one I turned out to be after 20 years........we can all do this if we just believe in ourselves....and know that what does not destroy us, empowers us.......that light at the end of the tunnel....the one that gets brighter each day....it empowers me.....to smile at the end of each day........even when I'm lonely.

Just say a small prayer and smile........Happy NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!


Love Poem.........For my husband.

"To My Dear and Loving Husband"
~Anne Bradstreet (1678)

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov’d by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompetence.
Thy love is such I can no way repay.
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let’s so persever
That when we live no more, we may live ever.


This generation's video games....it's definitely NOT Atari!!!!

We are a family that now owns 2 play stations and 2 x`boxes......someone explain this to me please. I am a fairly intelligent woman so how in the world have we managed to end up with what amounts to over a thousand dollars in video game consoles? I don't even want to discuss how much is invested in the disc games for these consoles or the different controllers that go with these games......it is staggering in what our extended family has dropped into these games as gifts for my kids......who I am sure have not even played them all......for that matter, probably hasn't opened them all.

So last night my daughter's had friends over. Normally this would be no problem, except for the game system..........which subjected me to the brutality of my daughters and their friends' new discovery.....the fine art of Performing. For hours on end last night, my son and I were subjected to four teenage girls, who are now not only determined to be the latest SINGING SENSATION, but are now also sure that are the next CARLOS SANTANA on GUITAR HERO and they are ready to take on DANCING WITH THE STARS.......all in one night.

I had to listen to them jam with the likes of the SCORPIONS and LEONARD SKYNARD sing along with DURAN DURAN and BLONDI and thump on the floor as they DDR'ed (DANCE DANCE REVOLUTIONed) their way almost through the pergo flooring of the house until 2:30 in the morning.......

After which they popped in the movie 300 that reverberated through the walls as King Leonidas and a force of 300 men fight the Persians at Thermopylae to Defend Greece......until I finally told them that was it, LIGHTS OUT!!!!!!!!! .........but alas there will be no jamming sessions tonight, no all night sing-alongs, the dancing floors remain silent, as mom has silenced the game systems......(she stole the connection wires from each of them)......yeah sneaky, but a mom has to do what a mom has to do, right? RIGHT?

They already decided they want a Wii ........my only holdout will be my husband, but last I heard they had emailed him about it, and since Dad wants to make the kids happy cause he's been gone for years I'm sure I will lose that battle.....but then two of the others have to go, there is simply no reason we have to have these things in duplicate....you can't play two at a time, can YOU?


Wow.....one day after Christmas

and I see we have been HIT WITH THE LOSE YOUR HOLIDAY POUNDS with a vengeance media barrage. I have seen this as THE top running story on each of the news pages I opened today from AOL to Yahoo....I mean did WE ALL OVEREAT THIS YEAR AGAIN??? That THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING to have running on the NEWS?

I mean there IS A WAR GOING ON!!! HELLO...the PRIMARY ELECTIONS BEGIN IN JUST DAYS running through to June.....(My state wont vote until February, but still) and here we are worrying over how the hell we are going to shed 10 pound in 7 days....I have the perfect solution, cut off your HEAD! The average person's head weighs 13 pounds and if the idiots writing this crap would cut theirs off, we would not be subjected to this any longer.....they must line these doctors up for weeks in advance with their interviews so that they have their copy ready at midnight on December 26th!

Wake up America, stop overeating and go out and take a walk this is really simple and it didn't change from LAST YEAR when you did it the LAST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHEESH


Oh Holy Night

As I sit here on this most quiet of all nights, thinking of all that has transpired in my life over the past year, I find it hard to imagine it has been as long as it has since my husband left for this last deployment.....and that had he not been extended he would be returning in what amounts to days.....I sit and watch the lights glitter on the tree and the fire as it burns down and know that is already Christmas morn where he is....so far away.

I am ever reminded of how many families......children, wives, husbands, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, who are sitting alone this Christmas Eve, having these same feelings that I am.....feelings reminiscent of ones from past holidays, ones spent together where their family was together and are now spent praying for the safe return of their warrior....and those preparing to send their's off.......and then the families who are marking the years alone grieving the loss of their loved ones and finally those who this year are feeling the raw emptiness of the very first Christmas alone knowing that it is just the first of many......and how my heart aches for all of them, not even able to comprehend a small amount of what they must be going through......

...this quiet moment of reflection, when I look at who I am and what direction my life has taken over these past years leaves me just a little bit sad tonight. We become so absorbed in this military life we lead that after what amounts to a lifetime of it, we too often forget what it feels like to be a new spouse, and what it felt like in the beginning.

During the holidays we get to see into that world, one that seems to be a distant memory to us and it reminds us of a time when we too were soldier's wives, once young.......and scared and alone and isolated...... Stephanie at She Who Waits reminded me tonight of how that felt and my heart sank and my eyes shed tears for her and others who, like her are experiencing that fresh pain of spending their first Christmas alone this year.

On this Holiest of Nights, when all is quiet in my house, in my life, in my heart, I look to God for an answer to my prayers, for some peace in our world. A world where we often take little time to just be still. Where many times we may forget what it feels like to need help or to a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to listen......where we have been just a little hardened by a lifetime of separation and military ways.........and maybe if we are still long enough, we can actually admit to ourselves that we are sad and that we hurt a little bit too.......

So tonight, may God Bless each of you, may he watch over you and keep you and your family safe, may He wrap his arms around your loved one far away and have them feel your love and may He grant stillness in us all that we might also feel His love in return, if only for a quiet moment that we can hold onto for just a little while longer............


Love Poem.........For my husband.

Merry Christmas my darling.....it will not be long until we are together again

Sonnets from the Portuguese
Sonnet VI ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Go From Me. Yet I Feel that I shall stand"

Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand
Henceforward in thy shadow. Nevermore
Alone upon the threshold of my door
Of individual life, I shall command
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand
Serenely in the sunshine as before,
Without the sense of that which I forbore--
Thy touch upon the palm. The widest land
Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine
With pulses that beat double. What I do
And what I dream include thee, as the wine
Must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,
And sees within my eyes the tears of two.


3 Doors Down ~ "Citizen Soldier" and the National Guard

I will not embed this video on my blog because the National Guard owns the rights to it, but I will provide the link to it so that you can go and watch it.....directly from the GO Guard site. The first 70k people can download the song for free. It is on YouTube as well....but here is the link and the lyrics.


This is an amazing song by an amazing Band and I suggest those of you who who have not seen the video movie or have not heard the song go watch it

Citizen Soldier~ 3 Doors Down

Beyond the boundries of your city's lights.
Stand the heroes waiting for your cries.
So many times you did not bring this on yourself.
When the moment finally comes, I'll be there to help.

On that day, when you need your brothers and sisters to care. I'll be right here.

Citizen soldiers.
Holding the life of the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we've sheltered.
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

When there're people crying in the streets
When they're starving for a meal to eat
When they simply need a place to make their beds
Right here underneath my wing you can rest your head

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care I'll be right here

Citizen soldiers.
Holding the life of the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we've sheltered.
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

Hope and pray that you never need me the rest assured, I will not let you down
I walk beside you but you may not see me
The strongest among you may not were a crown

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care I'll be right here
On that day when you don't have a street for the burden you bare I'll be right here

Citizen soldiers
Holding the life of the ones that need guide from the dark of dispair
Standing on guard for the ones that need shelter
We'll always be ready because we will always be there (less)


So Christmas is coming

Whether we want it to or not!!!!

And I am so not ready! I do not think I have everything for dinner and I have company coming.....I am still missing things that I can not find in the boxes that seem to keep multiplying around my house...and yet I swear there has to be more of them somewhere because I know there are things that were here that are not here now! I swear I am losing my mind.

I am not done shopping but I am done shopping, ya know? I simply think that if I have to buy anything else, it is for someone that I have not sent it to yet, because unlike everyone else, I am not wrapped around the aspect of it being late, if it's late, it's late. I kind of like the idea of late arriving gifts, gives me something to look forward to after the fact. I know, I know, call me crazy.

Lets see, we have blown out, stepped on, knocked over and hit with a football more Christmas lights then I care to count. I have had to scale the house on more then one occasion to fix them......right now I have to fix the ones around my door because apparently someone in the house (we won't point fingers DENNIS) slammed the front door and caught the strand in it and now the lights are not only out but are in shards in the door frame, can we say electrical nightmare waiting to happen? And then there is the infamous GFCI circuit breaker that continues to get tripped due to the combination of lights and hair dryers......exactly what do my daughters not understand about the fact that their bathroom outlets and the ones outside are all connected to the same circuit breaker? I have shown them what happens when you try to run the hair dryer with the lights on and yet at least three days a week I have one of them coming in to tell me that once again nothing is working in the bathroom, as if they have no clue as to why!!!

Then we have the weather and the lights that blew off the house that had to be put back on and the movable yard ornaments that have possessed motors that work at random, on occasion I feel like pulling a "Clark Griswald" and kicking all of it down and think to myself is it really worth it......all the work and the rework and worrying over it all.....and then I stood outside with my son last night who after helping me fix all of it, proclaimed to me "Mom, the house really looks good, I'm glad you fixed it again" .....so yeah, it's all worth it.......

Come on New Years!!!!!!!!!! :D


Goodbye Dan.......

I grew up loving his music, the world lost a great music artist and a family a wonderful man.....may God be with them today and everyday. His music will live on....this song will hurt to listen to this Christmas........

From his website


Sunday, December 16

Dear friends,

Dan left us this morning at 6:00am . He fought a brave battle with cancer and died peacefully at home in Maine with his wife Jean at his side. His strength, dignity and grace in the face of the daunting challenges of this disease were an inspiration to all who knew him.

In May of 2004, Dan was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.

A personal letter from D.F.

I cannot adequately express my gratitude to all of the thousands of wonderful people who have sent such incredibly moving and supportive e-mails via the Living Legacy web site. It is truly overwhelming and humbling to realize how many lives my music has touched so deeply all these years. Each one of you who have taken the time and effort to reach out to Jean and I have helped immeasurably to uplift our spirits and keep us looking strongly forward during some very rough moments. I thank you from the very depths of my heart.

I currently have no plans to return to the concert stage or the recording studio in the foreseeable future, but who knows? At least for now, I prefer to keep my options open.

Again my deepest thanks and love to all,


Now for the sermon.

To each and every man....

I cannot encourage you strongly enough to get a DRE (Digital Rectal Exam) and a PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) test EVERY YEAR.

The medical community suggests this for men over 50, but men with a family history of prostate cancer should start getting tested at age 40.

The PSA test is a simple blood test...it only takes a minute or two. The DRE, okay, every man squirms at the thought of this exam, but hey, it too takes only a minute or two, and IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Prostate cancer can be very slow growing or very aggressive, but detected early while it is still confined to the prostate gland, it can usually be treated and cured successfully.

Once it spreads beyond the prostate it is called Advanced Prostate Cancer (PCa). At this point it becomes imminently more life threatening and harder to treat. Do yourself and your loved ones a huge favor and GET CHECKED REGULARLY. I promise you, you DON’T want to go through what I’m going through if you can avoid it.

Education and awareness are key, I urge you to follow the link below to the Prostate Cancer Foundation web site and read up on how best to protect yourself and reduce your likelihood of contracting this terrible disease.

Prostate Cancer

Good wishes for Dan can be posted at:

Many thanks to Deborah and Laurie of "The Living Legacy" website for all their hard work.

The Gift.....beautiful Christmas Song

I heard this song one day a few years ago by this young lady and it made me stop and pull over to the side of the road for the tears that fell from my eyes made it hard for me to see.....

Garth Brooks also recorded it, but Aselin Debison did the song much more justice. The song was written by Stephanie Davis.


Love poem.......for my husband

Happy Anniversary My Love......

The Magic Of Love

Love is like magic
And it always will be.
For love still remains
Life's sweet mystery!!

Love works in ways
That are wondrous and strange
And there's nothing in life
That love cannot change!!

Love can transform
The most commonplace
Into beauty and splendor
And sweetness and grace.

Love is unselfish,
Understanding and kind,
For it sees with its heart
And not with its mind!!

Love is the answer
That everyone seeks...
Love is the language,
That every heart speaks.

Love can't be bought,
It is priceless and free,
Love, like pure magic,
Is life's sweet mystery!!

- Helen Steiner Rice -